If you are looking to meet someone new this year, you may need a new approach. You should look for the signs that your game needs to change. If you work hard and like to play hard, having someone to share life’s experiences with is important. Coming to certain realizations can help you to change your perception about what qualities are desirable in a potential mate. If your current method for meeting people isn’t working or if you have said one these statements recently, give your routine a makeover and hopefully it will lead you to someone that is a match for you.
Statement #1: The club is just not what it used to be.
No, actually the club is the same as it always has been. The only thing that has probably changed is you – but it’s not a bad thing. When your needs change, so do your perceptions. As you become more mature or grounded as an individual, your perception of what is important changes. The club can be an entertaining place, which means that most people are there to have fun, not look for a life partner. It’s not to say that you can’t meet a new friend there, but it’s not the ideal place to get to know someone on a “deeper” level, while they’re backing it up.
Statement #2: Where are all the single men or women?
Ask yourself a different question: “Where are the types of single men or women that I want to associate with?” If you are looking to date someone, or anyone, he or she can be found pretty easily. Choosing someone to spend quality time with on a more meaningful level takes some effort but he or she could be right under your nose. If you just concentrate a little harder, you’ll find that there are many viable candidates. Do some light people-watching throughout the day. Have you noticed that guy that takes the same train or bus as you do? What about the girl that you always see when you pick up your morning coffee from your favorite coffee shop? Going to the gym? You’re sure to find others who also work hard to look good. If these people are in the same place that you are, you obviously have something in common. Don’t go on a mission looking for someone. Take these opportunities to start up a conversation and discuss your similar interests. You may be surprised by what you find. Have standards but don’t disregard anyone or any place. Many people find love or companionship under seemingly unlikely circumstances.
Statement #3: I can’t find anyone on my level.
And exactly what level is that? Be honest with yourself about who you are and know what characteristics are important to you. However, don’t be afraid to switch things around and assess whether your qualities are on point. If you have an ideal list of qualities, shouldn’t your potential mate have one as well? Be realistic; it’s not a wish list. No one is perfect. Make a list of qualities and rank those that are most important as well as those that are deal breakers. It can be difficult to find what you want when you are not aware of what you don’t want.
Statement #4: Me and [fill in the blank] have been together for so long. We should just try to make it work.
If it hasn’t worked up to this point, do you think things will improve? This question has two potential answers. Yes, it could improve with some commitment. Relationships are challenging but if you put the work in, you can reap the positive benefits of a healthy, happy relationship. But don’t sell yourself short. If your current partner isn’t measuring up or willing to work on an equal level with you, it may be time to upgrade.
Statement #5: I just want a decent person. Plain and simple.
Decent people do decent things. If you attend a church, join one of its committees. Don’t go in with an agenda of meeting someone. The mission of the committee should come first. However, someone who works on the committee has a vested interest in giving back which may be an indicator that they have something to offer. You can also consider joining the auxiliary board of a local nonprofit organization. These auxiliary boards are typically composed of professionals who work together to raise money for the organization through various social events and fundraisers. It provides an opportunity to meet new people and give back to your community at the same time.
Being single is not the end of the world, especially if you are taking some quality time to work on your personal goals. But if you are looking for someone new, just pay attention to the signs that your game needs to change. When you are ready to incorporate someone else into your life, you’ll know. Remember to focus on positive things, and find positive people.
Photo by Jens Johnsson from Pexels
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