“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie (column 5)
The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.
Q: My boyfriend just broke up with me. He told me that he’ll always love me, but he just wants to be “friends with benefits,” right now. I’m not sure what that means, but I know I love and miss him, already. So, I’m willing to do whatever to get back together with him. Do you think I should take him up on his offer?
Side A: How can you accept an offer that you don’t understand? You need to ask him to explain what being “friends with benefits” means, and then make a decision to accept or reject his offer. You shouldn’t be willing to do whatever to be his girlfriend, especially since he doesn’t seem to want to be committed to you. You should offer him the door to step out of your life, so you can invite the right man to step into your heart.
Side B: “Friends with benefits” usually means friends who have sex with each other – no strings attached. So, your ex wants to keep the physical part of your relationship and lose the commitment part of it. In other words, he wants to have the freedom to have sex with other people. Since you said that you love and miss him, you don’t seem to be ready to handle him leaving your bed to get in bed with someone else. So, I would strongly suggest that you turn down his offer. Besides, his heart will lead him to asking you back out, again – not this offer. On the other hand, if you realize that you don’t want to date him, again and you have no problem with him being with other people, then go for it. Just remember to practice safe sex.
Q: My boyfriend refuses to acknowledge our relationship on the social networking sites that he uses, like Facebook and Twitter. I want the world to know that he’s my man, so other women will leave him alone. How can I convince him to do this?
Side A: There is usually one of two reasons why someone won’t acknowledge a relationship: (1) He/she is seeing other people or (2) He/she is a private person and doesn’t like to share personal information with the public. Ask your boyfriend why he doesn’t want the world to know about your relationship. If he gives you the first reason, then you’ll know that he isn’t the right man for you. If he gives you the second reason, then you should respect his feelings because this situation is about his personal preference – not a personal attack on you or your relationship with him. Focus on strengthening your foundation with him and let it speak to the women who want your man because that’s your best weapon against them, anyway.
Side B: You’re the one who needs to be convinced of something – in fact, a few things. One, there isn’t a status, tweet, or other message in the world that’s going to stop a woman from going after your man. Two, your man is the one who has the power to stop advances from other women. Three, it takes more than publicly acknowledging your relationship to maintain it. If you don’t start focusing on the things that are truly necessary to make your relationship work, soon, you won’t have a relationship to acknowledge. Four, it seems like you have some insecurities and trust issues. A secure and trusting woman isn’t worried about other women approaching her man because she knows that she’s all he needs and he knows that she’s all he needs. So, if any woman decides to test her man, this woman will fall flat on her face from rejection. I suggest that you recognize your worth and be certain that you trust your man, if you want this – or any relationship with a man – to work.
– About Ms. Boogie:
Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker.
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