First Date Don’ts

By
Shemiah WIlliams
-
First Date Don'ts
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Here Are Some Key First Date Don’ts

So, you’ve met someone knew and have exchanged a few emails or had a few conversations on the phone. Now you’re ready to take the next step – the first date. Although you’re enthusiastically looking forward to getting to know this new person better, stop – right there. This may seem like an easy-enough task but it could end in disaster if you are not prepared. It’s important to let things happen organically. However, arming yourself with a few conversation “don’ts” can help you to save your newfound friendship, prevent utter embarrassment and make it to date number two.
Keep Ex’s as Ex’s
While it is important to acknowledge the past and incorporate the lessons you’ve learned into your new dating game, don’t go to the topic of exes too quickly. Like that infamous box of chocolates, you don’t know what you’re going to get. No one wants to revisit a tragic past relationship and if their ex was Mr. or Mrs. Fantastic, you risk opening a closed window and losing your date. On a more serious note, if their past relationship was a tragedy, it could bring up some difficult emotions at a very unfortunate time.
Don’t Look for Dollar Signs
Yes, money makes the world go ‘round. If both of you know that, accept it and move on. Don’t dig for golden info about their salary, spending habits, earning potential or net worth. Why? Because it’s none of your business. Over time, broader financial subjects may be broached (i.e., importance of saving and investing) but for now, stay in your lane.
Future Plans for the Two of You
If you’re on a date or if you are getting to know someone, there are no future plans. Your future only goes as far as your next date – if there is one. A “future” is not of any importance until you have both agreed that you want one together. So keep your heart doodles with you and your date’s names between you and your diary for now.
Avoid the Threesome
If you are on a date with an interesting person – leave the rest of the world out of it. With technology being so readily available, you may be accustomed to making sure your Twitter or Facebook fans are kept up-to-date on each of your life’s details. It should go without saying but keep your iPhone or BlackBerry in your pocket or purse, focus on your date and decide whether you like the person before you share it with the world.
Focus – Physically and Mentally
In most cases you will have a physical attraction to your date. But don’t make it the priority of the date. It is okay to compliment your date – and you should. However, keep your eyes above shoulder level and focus on what they are saying and the conversation at hand.
Don’t Go on a Liquid Diet
It is not uncommon for two responsible adults to order a glass of wine or cocktail with dinner. One to two drinks is okay but don’t overdo it. Bad decisions are often born out of excessive alcohol consumption. Although you may feel nervous, drinking too much will only mask these emotions for the moment and cause you to behave in a way that could ultimately be unflattering to your date.
Be open and honest but don’t over-share. Be polite and respectful yet demand the same in return. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. The overall goal of a first date is to develop and increase the quality of the conversation. That is what keeps the date afloat. Think of the conversation as a bridge that connects you and your date. The more solid the bridge is, the more likely you are to make a connection – and that second date.

So, you’ve met someone new and have exchanged a few emails or had a few conversations on the phone. Now you’re ready to take the next step – the first date. Although you’re enthusiastically looking forward to getting to know this new person better, stop – right there. This may seem like an easy-enough task but it could end in disaster if you are not prepared. It’s important to let things happen organically. However, arming yourself with a few conversation “don’ts” can help you to save your newfound friendship, prevent utter embarrassment and make it to date number two.  Take a look at these first date DON’Ts.

 

Keep Ex’s as Ex’s

While it is important to acknowledge the past and incorporate the lessons you’ve learned into your new dating game, don’t go to the topic of exes too quickly. Like that infamous box of chocolates, you don’t know what you’re going to get. No one wants to revisit a tragic past relationship and if their ex was Mr. or Mrs. Fantastic, you risk opening a closed window and losing your date. On a more serious note, if their past relationship was a tragedy, it could bring up some difficult emotions at a very unfortunate time.

 

Don’t Look for Dollar Signs

Yes, money makes the world go ‘round. If both of you know that, accept it and move on. Don’t dig for golden info about their salary, spending habits, earning potential or net worth. Why? Because it’s none of your business. Over time, broader financial subjects may be broached (i.e., importance of saving and investing) but for now, stay in your lane.

 

Future Plans for the Two of You

If you’re on a date or if you are getting to know someone, there are no future plans. Your future only goes as far as your next date – if there is one. A “future” is not of any importance until you have both agreed that you want one together. So keep your heart doodles with you and your date’s names between you and your diary for now.

 

Avoid the Threesome

If you are on a date with an interesting person – leave the rest of the world out of it. With technology being so readily available, you may be accustomed to making sure your Twitter or Facebook fans are kept up-to-date on each of your life’s details. It should go without saying but keep your iPhone or BlackBerry in your pocket or purse, focus on your date and decide whether you like the person before you share it with the world.

 

Focus – Physically and Mentally

In most cases you will have a physical attraction to your date. But don’t make it the priority of the date. It is okay to compliment your date – and you should. However, keep your eyes above shoulder level and focus on what they are saying and the conversation at hand.

 

Don’t Go on a Liquid Diet

It is not uncommon for two responsible adults to order a glass of wine or cocktail with dinner. One to two drinks is okay but don’t overdo it. Bad decisions are often born out of excessive alcohol consumption. Although you may feel nervous, drinking too much will only mask these emotions for the moment and cause you to behave in a way that could ultimately be unflattering to your date.
Be open and honest but don’t over-share. Be polite and respectful yet demand the same in return. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. The overall goal of a first date is to develop and increase the quality of the conversation. That is what keeps the date afloat. Think of the conversation as a bridge that connects you and your date. The more solid the bridge is, the more likely you are to make a connection – and that second date.

 

Photo Credit: morgueFile, Kevin Rosseel

 

 

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