“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie (column 16)

April 3, 2011

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“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie:

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.

Q: At my last visit to the hair salon, my stylist told me that I needed to cut my hair, due to extreme breakage. I was nervous because the cut would leave my hair very short and my boyfriend once told me that he would never date a woman with short hair. I got it cut, anyway, because I knew that I had to – if I wanted to grow long and healthy hair. When I got home and showed my boyfriend my new look, he left. We haven’t spoken in a week. Should I assume that it’s over between us?

Side A: You can easily assume that because of his prior comment and his response to your new hairstyle. But, it’s better to be certain that it’s over than to assume that it is. If you haven’t already done so, reach out to him. Let him know that it’s important that you two speak, soon. Give him an extra week to respond. If he doesn’t, let your new hairstyle be the starting point to your newly single, fabulous life!

Side B: Not yet. Yes, the fact that he left doesn’t help to keep you from assuming the worst. But, maybe you should consider assuming the best. It’s possible that it’s not over, but he just needed some space. Or, in addition to this, something else came up. Regardless, only time will tell. So, give him another week or two to come around, before you accept his silence as the end to your relationship.

Q: A month ago, I had a one-night stand with this guy that I used to date. Things didn’t work out between us, so I just kept it moving. I found out, earlier this week, that I’m pregnant. I’m scared because I’m not sure who the father is, since I slept with another ex-boyfriend a week before I slept with the other ex-boyfriend. How should I approach these two guys about this? I don’t want my child growing up without a father.

Side A: Honesty and communication is key. And time is of the essence. You should have an open discussion with each of them, separately, immediately. Fortunately, you don’t have to wait until the baby is born, in order to do a DNA test. You could schedule a prenatal DNA test, within the first or second trimester. This way, you can know the results and better plan for the future of your child, sooner.

Side B: I’d suggest taking a direct approach, like meeting in person, to reduce the risk of unreturned phone calls and other similar, typical responses. Next, I’d definitely have a DNA test done, as soon as possible.On The Beat: The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, today’s topic: Advice Column 6, staying happy at work and confronting a friend.

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, todays topic: Advice Column 6, staying happy at work and confronting a friend.

Q: I hate my job. My boss is a bitch and my co-workers are so lazy. I’ve tried everything to make things work, but I just want to quit. I definitely need the money, but I could do without the stress. What can I do to stay motivated and happy at my job?

Side A: There’s so much that you can do to stay motivated and happy at your job! You could play soothing music, like smooth jazz, at your desk to remain calm in stressful situations. You could purchase a stress ball to use, whenever you feel negatively. You could even bring in some of your favorite healthy snacks to eat throughout the day. Sometimes, being hungry at work makes things even more unbearable. Or perhaps, once a month, you could treat yourself to a massage during your lunch break. To figure out some more options, write a list of all the things that motivate you and make you happy, then try to combine the things that you listed into your work life.

Side B: Sometimes, finding a new job is the answer. It’s been said that, if you do what you love, then you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Consider the possibility of finding a job that you love, which can pay you the same, if not more.

Q: My friend is gassed. She thinks that she’s prettier, smarter, and richer than everybody else. The truth is she’s ugly, dumb, and broke. I want to let her know about herself. How should I confront her?

Side A: A non-confrontational and private approach might work best in this situation. Invite her over to your home for dinner and drinks. And when the time is right, tell her how you feel, calmly and respectfully.

Side B: It seems like you’re more interested in going off on her than actually helping her by being honest with her. Granted, yes, she does sound like she needs a dose of reality. But, this doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful towards her. Two wrongs don’t make a right. If you’re truly her friend, despite her behavior, you’ll be kind with your approach and your words.

Stay tuned for the next On The Beat with Ms. Boogie, this has been, advice column 6, staying happy at work and confronting a friend.

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