“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie – dissatisfaction in a relationship

April 17, 2011

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“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie:

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.

Q: I’m a black man who loves dating white women because I feel they’re better at relationships than black women. Unfortunately, many of the people I know don’t agree with me and we’ve had some really heated arguments over this. It’s to the point where I can’t even bring my girlfriends around because my black friends act really disrespectful towards them. I really want to settle this issue, once and for all. What should I do?

Side A: Recognize that settling this issue doesn’t mean that your friends should agree with your opinion. Consider the phrase, “agree to disagree,” as a solution. It means that you shouldn’t debate, but instead learn to tolerate other’s opinions. So, besides being polite to your girlfriends, ask your friends to simply respect your opinion.

Side B: More than likely, your friends are upset over the reason why you choose to date Caucasian women. It seems like you’re using your own specific experiences to generalize an entire race of women. And that’s wrong. You’re perpetuating the stereotype that African-American women are incapable of being in a successful dating relationship. Granted, it’s fine to have dating preferences, but you shouldn’t base those preferences on stereotypes. If I were you, I’d apologize to my friends for being offensive. And while they were wrong for being disrespectful towards your previous girlfriends, perhaps making amends with them will ease their tension with the next girlfriend.

Q: I love my boyfriend, but I miss being single. Things were more exciting, when I didn’t have a man. I used to party all night with my girlfriends and go out on different dates with guys. Sex was even better, when I was single. I’m beginning to think that my boyfriend isn’t right for me or else I wouldn’t be feeling this way. Should I break-up with him and go back to being single?

Side A: If you don’t see a future with him, then yes, you should break-up with him. But, if you see him as being your husband and the father of your children, then you have to start working on repairing your relationship. Begin with a discussion with him and, together, come up with ways to bring the excitement back into your relationship.

Side B: First, it’s completely normal to feel this way. Most, if not all, couples experience this sense of unfulfillment at some point in their relationship. So, don’t assume that your boyfriend isn’t right for you, just yet. Second, the single life may only be appealing to you because of how you feel about your relationship, right now. But, remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. So, try to work it out, before you break-up. Besides, you can still do all of the things you mentioned, while seeing your boyfriend. You can still party with your girlfriends. You can go out on fun dates with your boyfriend. And there’s so many ways to spice up your sex life with him!

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, today’s topic: Advice Column 18, how to navigate feelings of dissatisfaction in a relationship

Side A: Recognize that settling this issue doesn’t mean that your friends should agree with your opinion. Consider the phrase, “agree to disagree,” as a solution. It means that you shouldn’t debate, but instead learn to tolerate other’s opinions. So, besides being polite to your girlfriends, ask your friends to simply respect your opinion.

Side B: More than likely, your friends are upset over the reason why you choose to date Caucasian women. It seems like you’re using your own specific experiences to generalize an entire race of women. And that’s wrong. You’re perpetuating the stereotype that African-American women are incapable of being in a successful dating relationship. Granted, it’s fine to have dating preferences, but you shouldn’t base those preferences on stereotypes. If I were you, I’d apologize to my friends for being offensive. And while they were wrong for being disrespectful towards your previous girlfriends, perhaps making amends with them will ease their tension with the next girlfriend.

Side A: If you don’t see a future with him, then yes, you should break-up with him. But, if you see him as being your husband and the father of your children, then you have to start working on repairing your relationship. Begin with a discussion with him and together, come up with ways to bring the excitement back into your relationship.

Side B: First, it’s completely normal to feel this way. Most, if not all, couples experience this sense of unfulfillment at some point in their relationship. So, don’t assume that your boyfriend isn’t right for you, just yet. Second, the single life may only be appealing to you because of how you feel about your relationship, right now. But, remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. So, try to work it out, before you break-up. Besides, you can still do all of the things you mentioned, while seeing your boyfriend. You can still party with your girlfriends. You can go out on fun dates with your boyfriend. And there’s so many ways to spice up your sex life with him!

– About Ms. Boogie:

Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker.

Look out for the next “On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie! This has been Advice Column 18, how to navigate feelings of dissatisfaction in a relationship!

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