“On The Beat” With Ms. Boogie (column 22)

“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie:
The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.
Q: My best friend is preparing to leave for college and I’m so sad about it. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her around. It’s hard for me to enjoy spending time with her because I know she’s leaving, soon. How can I deal with this in a way that makes us both happy?
Side A: I know it hasn’t been easy to do, but the best thing you can do is to make the most of the time that you have left with your friend. You have to find the strength to maintain a positive attitude and enjoy her company. If you continue to allow your sadness to get the best of you, then you’re going to make the situation even worse. As a starting point, talk to your friend about how you feel, if you haven’t already done so. I’m sure this is hard on her, too. Talking about the situation may help both of you come up with some solutions to dealing with the situation better.
Side B: Personally, I understand exactly how you feel; I’ve watched a few of my close friends go away to school and it was difficult to handle, at first. I was even in your friend’s position, as the one who was leaving and I didn’t feel any less emotional. It took some time, but I did grow to feel better. And so will you, each day. Besides, her leaving doesn’t mean that your friendship is ending. If anything, it’s going to make your friendship stronger. My best friend and I went to separate colleges and we live in different states, now, but she’s still my best friend. We don’t allow the distance to define how close we are. We still talk on the phone for hours, chat online, and spend time together when I’m in her city. What helped us was staying focused on the benefits of the situation. For example, now, she has a new place to visit and hang out! What also helped us was making new friends. Granted, I wasn’t open to the idea, at first. I felt that I couldn’t enjoy myself with anyone else like I could with her. But, I was wrong. I met some amazing people who became just as important in my life as her. So, don’t let this move come between you two and discourage you. Embrace it and expect – not hope or wish – for the best to come out of it. You can make it through this!
Q: About ten years ago, I stopped speaking to my sister, after I found out that she was sleeping with my husband. Recently, I received a letter from her apologizing for what she did and asking me for another chance to be in my life. After all this time, I’m still angry about the situation and I’m not sure that I want to forgive her, even though she’s my sister. Would it be wrong for me to keep her out of my life for the rest of my life?
Side A: From a moral perspective, yes, it would be wrong for you to keep her out of your life. Essentially, you should forgive her, especially because she is your sister. As clichéd as it sounds, life is too short. Of course, she was wrong, but give her some credit for having the courage to admit that and trying to make amends with you.
Side B: If you still have feelings of animosity towards her, then it’s best for you to continue to keep her out of your life. Besides, in order for you two to have a healthy relationship with one another, you need to forgive her. Sometimes, when you’re unsure about something or when you don’t know what to do, the best thing to do is absolutely nothing. In time, the answer will come to you. So, continue to work through your emotions, until you feel ready to address her.

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.

Q: My best friend is preparing to leave for college and I’m so sad about it.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without her around.  It’s hard for me to enjoy spending time with her because I know she’s leaving, soon. How can I deal with this in a way that makes us both happy?

Side A:  I know it hasn’t been easy to do, but the best thing you can do is to make the most of the time that you have left with your friend. You have to find the strength to maintain a positive attitude and enjoy her company. If you continue to allow your sadness to get the best of you, then you’re going to make the situation even worse. As a starting point, talk to your friend about how you feel, if you haven’t already done so. I’m sure this is hard on her, too. Talking about the situation may help both of you come up with some solutions to dealing with the situation better.   

Side B:  Personally, I understand exactly how you feel; I’ve watched a few of my close friends go away to school and it was difficult to handle, at first. I was even in your friend’s position, as the one who was leaving and I didn’t feel any less emotional. It took some time, but I did grow to feel better. And so will you, each day. Besides, her leaving doesn’t mean that your friendship is ending. If anything, it’s going to make your friendship stronger. My best friend and I went to separate colleges and we live in different states, now, but she’s still my best friend. We don’t allow the distance to define how close we are. We still talk on the phone for hours, chat online, and spend time together when I’m in her city. What helped us was staying focused on the benefits of the situation. For example, now, she has a new place to visit and hang out! What also helped us was making new friends. Granted, I wasn’t open to the idea, at first. I felt that I couldn’t enjoy myself with anyone else like I could with her. But, I was wrong. I met some amazing people who became just as important in my life as her. So, don’t let this move come between you two and discourage you. Embrace it and expect – not hope or wish – for the best to come out of it. You can make it through this!

Q: About ten years ago, I stopped speaking to my sister, after I found out that she was sleeping with my husband. Recently, I received a letter from her apologizing for what she did and asking me for another chance to be in my life. After all this time, I’m still angry about the situation and I’m not sure that I want to forgive her, even though she’s my sister. Would it be wrong for me to keep her out of my life for the rest of my life?

 
Side A:  From a moral perspective, yes, it would be wrong for you to keep her out of your life. Essentially, you should forgive her, especially because she is your sister. As cliché as it sounds, life is too short. Of course, she was wrong, but give her some credit for having the courage to admit that and trying to make amends with you.

 

Side B:  If you still have feelings of animosity towards her, then it’s best for you to continue to keep her out of your life. Besides, in order for you two to have a healthy relationship with one another, you need to forgive her. Sometimes, when you’re unsure about something or when you don’t know what to do, the best thing to do is absolutely nothing. In time, the answer will come to you. So, continue to work through your emotions, until you feel ready to address her.

 

 

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