“On The Beat” With Ms. Boogie (column 25)

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The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.

Q: I’m 29 years old and the youngest of three sons. ‘Til this day, I still get physically and emotionally harassed by my older brothers. I’ve always been too embarrassed to go to my parents for help and scared to fight my brothers back. What should I do?

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Side A: Sometimes, you can’t resolve an issue without knowing what caused it. I definitely believe this mantra to be true in your case. You need to get to the root of why you’ve tolerated this abuse for 29 years. What makes you so afraid of your brothers? Determining the answer to this question will help you to move forward. As a suggestion, consider seeking professional help to really help you get to the bottom of things.

Side B: Empower yourself! Re-route your train of thought about yourself. The key, here, is to get you to a level where you both expect and demand respect from your brothers. To do this, you have to increase your self-esteem. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you won’t allow anyone to abuse you. Now, how do you get to this place? Well, first, I would strongly recommend that you seek to accomplish this goal on your own. You don’t need outside help because essentially only you have the authority and ability to alter you. If you need a little jumpstart, however, then here’s a few other suggestions: read a book about self-empowerment, take a self-defense class, meditate, or take a solo vacation. All of these things may help you to tap into your inner power. Overall, if you want things to come to an end, then you have to make it come to an end.

Q: Every time I go out with my girlfriends, I feel like the ugly duckling. No matter how sexy I look, I can’t seem to compete with my girlfriends. I never get asked to dance and no one ever asks me for my number. I think that I’m attractive, so I don’t know what’s the problem. How can I get noticed?

 

Side A: Are you more concerned with having your beauty confirmed by someone else or meeting someone to date? In either case, confidence is a factor. Ideally, you shouldn’t want or need for anyone to tell you that you’re beautiful because you should already know and believe that. Besides, a lack of confidence can make you appear less attractive, which I’m willing to bet is the reason why you’re in this situation. Perhaps, when you’re out with your girlfriends, your lack of confidence causes you to have an attitude. Your attitude, then, becomes the preventative method of meeting a potential mate. While your girlfriends are having drinks, laughing, and having good time, you’re probably sitting off to the side and behaving like the world has just ended. See my point? Do you really expect a guy to approach you, when you’re acting like that? Hopefully not. So, start building confidence in yourself and be patient. Let nature take its course. The right mate will come along, when the right you is ready.

 

Side B: Well, I guess you know how Halle Berry’s friends feel! Just kidding, girl. Here’s what you should do: (1) Stop competing with your girlfriends and (2) Start going out alone! Focus on being the best version of you. In other words, don’t try to be like or better than anyone else; just be yourself. You were wonderfully made and intended to be phenomenal in your own right. So, recognize your own beauty. Besides, you want a man to like you for who you truly are and not the person that you are trying to be. Now, once you feel and look beautiful, treat yourself to a night on the town – by yourself. It’s been said that most men are more likely to approach you, when you’re alone than when you’re with a group of women. Men tend to feel a bit put-off by women in groups. They figure your girlfriends will try to block their advances and kill their chances of getting to know you. So, leave your girlfriends at home and try having some fun on your own. Trust me, it’ll not only boost your self-esteem, but it’ll also give you an opportunity to meet a new mate!

 

 

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