Urban Therapy (advice column 2)

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Time To Grow Up Or Move Out
Question: PART 1 – True or false? If a man is interested in you, he will make a move. PART 2 – How do you know if there is more to casual daily greetings?
Answer: I know there has been a lot of variability in opinion on these questions but here are my two cents:
TRUE. It doesn’t matter how outgoing a man is (or isn’t) and it doesn’t matter whether he senses that you are interested or not: a man will undoubtedly make a move if he is interested. This is for two reasons. Firstly, while men and women communicate differently and although it may appear so sometimes, men ARE NOT stupid. A man’s interest in a woman is a fundamental instinct and he will act on it. Although the cavemen took a more aggressive approach, the same rule still applies. Thankfully, we’ve evolved. Secondly, if nothing else, men are competitive. If a man thinks that there is a remote chance of someone else getting something or someone they want, they will spare no cost or energy to get it or you. In my opinion, the answer to this question will always be true. Don’t believe the hype.
So, how do you know if there is something behind those daily greetings? I’d start with the “daily” part of the equation. Some people are just friendly people and they greet everyone. This could be the case but perhaps there is more. I think the frequency of the greetings is an indicator that there is some willingness of engagement. Observe whether he greets everyone as frequently. The next time he greets you, follow up with a question. If it appears that he greets other people as often as he greets you, still follow up with a question. If he greets you every day and you reciprocate and move on or shy away, it doesn’t give him much to go on and he could have the same questions that you do.
Ask a question to turn the greeting into a conversation. For example, asking about previous weekend activities or upcoming weekend or holiday plans is an easygoing question that everyone will likely have an answer to. In addition, asking a question like this provides you with valuable insight. He’ll likely give you information about his interests, hobbies, living situation, relationship status, family relationships, etc.
Men aren’t stupid and you aren’t crazy. The definition of insanity is performing the same action repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Don’t wait for him to spark the flame – take initiative and light a fire.

Question: PART 1 – True or false? If a man is interested in you, he will make a move. PART 2 – How do you know if there is more to casual daily greetings?

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Answer: I know there has been a lot of variability in opinion on these questions but here are my two cents:

TRUE. It doesn’t matter how outgoing a man is (or isn’t) and it doesn’t matter whether he senses that you are interested or not: a man will undoubtedly make a move if he is interested. This is for two reasons. Primarily, while men and women communicate differently and although it may appear so sometimes, men ARE NOT stupid. A man’s interest in a woman is a fundamental instinct and he will act on it. Although the cavemen took a more aggressive approach, the same rule still applies. Thankfully, we’ve evolved.

 

Secondly, if nothing else, men are competitive. If a man thinks that there is a remote chance of someone else getting something or someone they want, they will spare no cost or energy to get it or you. In my opinion, the answer to this question will always be true. Don’t believe the hype.

 

So, how do you know if there is something behind those daily greetings? I’d start with the “daily” part of the equation. Some people are just friendly people and they greet everyone. This could be the case but perhaps there is more. I think the frequency of the greetings is an indicator that there is some willingness of engagement. Observe whether he greets everyone as frequently. The next time he greets you, follow up with a question. If it appears that he greets other people as often as he greets you, still follow up with a question. If he greets you every day and you reciprocate and move on or shy away, it doesn’t give him much to go on and he could have the same questions that you do. Ask a question to turn the greeting into a conversation. For example, asking about previous weekend activities or upcoming weekend or holiday plans is an easygoing question that everyone will likely have an answer to. In addition, asking a question like this provides you with valuable insight. He’ll likely give you information about his interests, hobbies, living situation, relationship status, family relationships, etc.

 

Men aren’t stupid and you aren’t crazy. The definition of insanity is performing the same action repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Don’t wait for him to spark the flame – take initiative and light a fire.

 

 

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Urban Therapy: Taking Life’s Questions and Giving Real Answers from the Heart