When Do You Need To Share All Your “Secrets” With Someone You’re Dating
I’m a warm, sincere kind person but I’m in a dilemma. I work part time as a dominatrix because it’s great money and I’m going through school. I never have to do anything sexual and I see it more like an acting job but I’m afraid to tell guys what I do because they have a preconceived notion about what that means about me. I’m NOT interested in the type of guys who are into that. I really just want to meet a kind, stable man. My friends tell me to not tell them the truth until I get to know them better but then I feel like I am lying to them and I don’t feel like I can genuinely connect to them with this “secret” between us. What should I do?
Feel like a liar
Kerry says: You’re put off by any man interested in the dominatrix scene, plus you seem bored and embarrassed by the whole idea. So why do it in the first place? It seems to contradict your values. Sure, it’s probably good money but it comes at an emotional cost. As far as men go, which is the second issue, I’m not sure a stable, kind gentleman might be into this sort of thing. Assuming he’d be okay with it, I would still suggest that you have a few dates before you mention anything. If what you say is true, it’s really not the worst thing in the world. If the guy has a sense of humor and realizes just how uninterested you are in this work then he’ll probably understand. I still think this gig should be short term as it’s sure to weigh heavily on you in the long run.
Dear Don’t lie,
Jacqueline says: I don’t know…Kerry seems to be acting a little prudish and old-fashioned to me. The fact is you’re not really doing anything wrong, minus a few whips and chains. I mean you’re not exactly naked, performing sexual acts (or are you?) Assuming the former, essentially you’re just acting and you seem emotionally detached to me. I also think it’s patronizing to assume your character isn’t emotionally above all this. And I suspect over time you will quit this industry since you are so completely bored by it. But to answer your question, yes, tell these guys right away. You’ve got nothing to hide.