The other day I was listening to Jazmine Sullivan’s Heaux Tales album. On one of the skits, “Amanda’s Story,” she references finding her worth through sex and how it can be empowering yet sad because as she states, “It is sad knowing that just me alone and who I am is not enough.” As a social worker, I understand that everyone to some extent has trauma and a history. I also understand what can happen if you enter a relationship with unresolved issues, after not addressing trauma.
I wish there was a section on these dating apps that would allow you to list your trauma like. “Hi, my name is Monique and I have abandonment issues, so leaving my text on read won’t work in this relationship.” I mean really! What if we could highlight things we don’t like or our triggers on dating sites? Wouldn’t that be some sort of dating blueprint that could help people figure out what they are working with? Makes sense doesn’t it? I mean… that’s assuming we are all aware of our traumas and how it shows up.
I think it’s tough, in a world full of social media influences and quick fixes to find patience to address some of the traumas that may affect your potential partners. In the same token, it is very important to pay attention to who you chose to date. Some of us like to Trauma Bond. That in itself is a vicious cycle that no one has the time or patience for. Or, what about those red flags we tend to ignore because, well… To keep it a buck, It gets lonely, especially during the times of Covid. Red Flags and intuition go a long way in making sure you are choosing the right partner. Here are some tips to keep in mind when dating:
- Pay attention to how your potential partner responds to your wants and needs. You will not find a perfect partner that can satisfy everything you wish for, but if they are attentive and willing to try that’s a good sign.
- Make sure when entering a relationship you can give yourself the love that you seek. A lot of times we seek out relationships to make us happy. A relationship should not fix you, you should walk into a relationship already self aware. A partner should add value to your life not be the focus of your life
- Pay attention to red flags: Your intuition is clutch, instinctively we have the ability to recognize when something just isn’t right. Trust yours
- And lastly, be aware of your trauma’s, a great place to start is seeking therapy in order to address trauma. You can never be good to anyone if you are not good to yourself.
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