How To Cope With Heartbreak

Learning how to cope with heartbreak

Before we start I want to make two things very clear: (1) learning how to cope with heartbreak isn’t a quick fix process to mend the broken heart. Heartache takes a lot of time and healing, being with someone and bonding with that person emotionally, no matter the length of time it is not something you can just get past overnight. (2) I am NOT an expert on relationships; no one is really because just like people every relationship is different. You may have a lot of people claiming to be experts on love and relationships but that’s because they are full of it. It’s as easy as claiming to be an expert in God, no one can disprove you.

I’ve been dumped several times and they were all about as much fun as having a colonoscopy. There are some people who are in relationships and being dumped is their only way out of it, THIS ISN’T FOR YOU. This is for the real dumpees: the ones who’ve loved and lost, didn’t see it coming and are generally heartbroken.

The first thing you have to do is move on. That doesn’t mean start a new relationship right away, you just have to take time to be with yourself for a while and get to know you. Now depending on the cause of the break, whether it was your fault or not, the grieving process can take as long as a few days to several months and beyond. Another thing is you shouldn’t contact the dumper in hopes of winning them back, this will only give them more power over you. You might text/call/e-mail or whatever in hopes of winning them back but ultimately this is move is doomed. Say you write a letter/text/e-mail, it will be so nostalgic, heartfelt and self-depraving that the dumper will have to contact you back out of pity…This is not a sign of them wanting to get back together. Contacting an ex (Dumper) immediately after the break is ALWAYS doomed. You will be tempted to but if you want to regain any sort of power, control and respect, it would be best just to move on.

It’s important to have a support system of friends and family who can help you during this process, it helps time pass by a lot quicker. There’s a stereotype that women will want to talk it out while men suffer in silence but this isn’t always true and if you’re gay than you already reject the conventional. This isn’t something most people would mind the first couple of times, they’ll be happy to do what they can to help you get past this ugly stage but be warned no one likes a miserable person and you’ll soon be socially blacklisted if this goes on for too long. There are some people who live for other people’s misery, social parasites, as long as you’re down they have something to do. Don’t become someone’s side project and if you are already, get out as fast as possible because it’ll be too hard to recover from this.

It’s vital that you also avoid the last person you were in a relationship with before the current dumper, if they are still around. If you dumped them, they’ll want to gloat but if they dumped you then they’ll only want to restate what’s wrong with you. Avoid them as best you can.

Revenge and anger will probably be on your mind. You must remember that the best revenge is living well and being successful but that’s not nearly as much fun as spraying the dumper with a hose from a waste truck. You must let the dumper know that your life is somehow better without them but you mustn’t let them know how you’ve done it. The key is to be subtle. Don’t go out and drastically change your look, let it happen gradually. Rebounding is natural but I wouldn’t advise it especially if it’s with any of the dumper’s friends. The moving on must be carried out in private, this will make the dumper jealous. They will want to know how you’ve done it.

Dating someone else right away isn’t going to help either. Many people make the mistake of thinking if they trade up, that’ll make the dumper jealous. Yes, it can and works most of the time but you shouldn’t really start dating until you are truly ready and instead of dating on looks you should go on qualities instead. If the dumper was too uptight, the new one should be easy going. If you’re old boyfriend has no sense of humor, the new one should be funny. If the old girlfriend was always worried about being too tall, the new should be just below average height. You shouldn’t introduce your ex to your new until the relationship has been at least a month old and/or you two have already gone on vacation together. If your ex meets the current, make it so it’s no big deal.

Remember that the moving on is a process that takes time and dedication. It will be a long road ahead of you but I know you can do it.

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Adrian "A.D." Dubard
Born in Washington DC, Adrian was placed in the care of his maternal grandparents after his mother died when he was a baby. For the most part of his life, Adrian’s biological father was absent from his life. Growing up with a house full of cousins, aunts and uncles, Adrian began his love of writing to document his surroundings. Attending a private school for 9 ½ years, it was there that many influential teachers help strengthen his love of writing via English and creative writing classes. Even though, Adrian loved to write he was reserved about what he wrote about. Leaving DC at the age of 7, Adrian and his family moved to Temple Hills, Maryland in Prince George’s not too far from where he had lived previously. Luckily, Adrian had taken part in many youth outreach programs as a youth that allowed him to travel and see the country, many kids he knew around his own age hadn’t even left the city. These experiences opened his eyes to other cultures and ways of living. As a teenager, Adrian had many friends who passed away before their time but he promised to keep writing to honor their memory. Other than writing, Adrian has helped various charities rise by going on public speaking tours. Some of these charities include The Safe Haven Project and The Journey of Hope. He has contributed to several book projects and currently resides in Queens, NY. Read more articles by Adrian.