How To Cope With Your Ex, When You Can’t Avoid Them

How To Cope with your Ex

I would stress that it is probably best to just simply avoid your exes all together if you can but unless you’ve moved out to the Amazon Jungles, you’re probably going to run into them eventually so it’s best to be ready for when the unmentionable will happen. Here’s some advice on how to cope with your ex.

Let’s assume you’re single. You want to talk with an ex or some of your exes in hopes of knowing what went wrong so you don’t repeat any past mistakes. Maybe you unexpectedly ran into an ex and things happen to end on a sour note. Maybe an ex went out of their way to contact you for whatever reason; I am here to help you cope with coming into contact with your exes. I say “exes” only to assume that there’s more than one. If you are reading this and you only have one ex then you know where you went wrong. Exes implies more than one, if you’ve been dumped or they dumped you, running into an ex is never easy. A lot of mixed emotions can come up and knowing how to handle it properly will ultimately bring you closer to peace and closure. A lot of this is basic psychology with some personal experiences. Use your best judgment when the situation arrives.

P.S. When trying to explain how to cope with your ex I’ll try to be as general as possible by using neutral pronouns and language but please remember I am writing in the perspective of a straight male.


1. DO NOT
contact your ex with hopes of hooking up. This will end badly for everyone involved. If you’ve managed to pull this off you’ll soon learn why this relationship didn’t last to begin with. If you attempt to contact your ex in hopes of just hooking up and fail, this will only strengthen the resolve that you should move on. Contacting an ex in hopes of hooking back up, be it sexually or to rekindle what was lost is like having a blind dentist, mistakes will be made on both parts. It’s best to just be friends in this scenario, if you can’t maintain things on a friendly level and are simply just looking to hook up be warned that this will open up a Pandora’s box that neither one of will be ready for.

2. Don’t burn bridges. That’s a good one for all things in life but especially with exes, unless they cheated on you, abused you or vice versa, you shouldn’t lose contact with them. I used to be the type to delete contacts or block them if I wasn’t on good terms with them but you never know who knows who and staying friendly with ex might just open doors to your future. For example, your ex might be friends who somebody who knows somebody which will always come back to haunt you. Don’t believe me? Just look at your Facebook Friends; everyone has at least one mutual friend in common.

3. BE FRIENDLY, when contacting an ex, If they choose to contact them, that’s different but if you choose to contact them, be friendly. I say this because I do not know the circumstances on which you broke up. Be friendly regardless rather it’s your fault or not act like it was and be ready to apologize. I cannot express no matter what happened be ready to apologize and take blame. It gives the other person a sense of closure, giving them this may be the greatest gift of all time. It’ll be hard to take the hardship that comes with it but once you do, it’ll make you a better person. Some exes might what to blame you for all the bad shit that has happened to them since you left. I had one even blame me for her pregnancy after we split, she was supposedly distraught that we broke up she slept with some dude or dudes without a condom. We know it’s not your fault but in their disillusioned mind it might as well be, no matter how their logic comes about.

4. BE CAREFUL. Talking to an ex can stir up a lot of emotions, most likely if you two become friendly (or try to be) it’ll make you yearn for the days when you two were together. Remember there’s a reason it didn’t work out the first time. If you feel like all these feelings are coming back it, it’s best to limit your contact with them so that you can cool off for a bit. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you two might be alone, things happen and this will be something you won’t want. If the ex wants to go out somewhere then try to make it a group outing with mutual friends, family or something that’ll distract you two so that you two won’t have a chance to rekindle anything because you’re too busy with others.

5. LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE. Like I said in the previous one, try not have a situation happen when you two will be alone, especially for long periods of time. More importantly however, you shouldn’t announce this to people via Facebook/Twitter or whatever social site of your choice might be. Other people can have an influence on your behavior without you even knowing it. So you tell a good friend that you ran in to what’s his/her face (your ex) and/or that you two have been communicating on a regular basis. They’ll either insist you stop and remind you of all the bad times, unless there was abuse or cheating I would steer clear of this. Maybe they’ll do the opposite and remind you of all the fun you two once had, then you’ll wanna relive those moments. Speaking as a male, I know a lot of my friends would suggest I get one last good fuck in before things get hectic, that’s bad advice as well. Sorry there’s no female POV on this one.

6. SPOUSAL RELATIONS. If you are in a relationship, if they are in a relationship or you both are in a relationship with other people, it’s best to tell your current about you and your ex before they assume the worst. It may be your ex and you may be trying to be just friendly but respect your current’s feelings about the situation and be sure to keep them up to date on what’s going on. Keyword is TRUST.

I hope this eases the pain a bit for you some Remember this list is just a summation of things I’ve experienced, perhaps you have your own way to cope with your ex, which probably works for you.

 


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Adrian "A.D." Dubard
Born in Washington DC, Adrian was placed in the care of his maternal grandparents after his mother died when he was a baby. For the most part of his life, Adrian’s biological father was absent from his life. Growing up with a house full of cousins, aunts and uncles, Adrian began his love of writing to document his surroundings. Attending a private school for 9 ½ years, it was there that many influential teachers help strengthen his love of writing via English and creative writing classes. Even though, Adrian loved to write he was reserved about what he wrote about. Leaving DC at the age of 7, Adrian and his family moved to Temple Hills, Maryland in Prince George’s not too far from where he had lived previously. Luckily, Adrian had taken part in many youth outreach programs as a youth that allowed him to travel and see the country, many kids he knew around his own age hadn’t even left the city. These experiences opened his eyes to other cultures and ways of living. As a teenager, Adrian had many friends who passed away before their time but he promised to keep writing to honor their memory. Other than writing, Adrian has helped various charities rise by going on public speaking tours. Some of these charities include The Safe Haven Project and The Journey of Hope. He has contributed to several book projects and currently resides in Queens, NY. Read more articles by Adrian.