We learn early on that in order to have love or ‘get’ love we have to do what we’re told or there will be consequences. In our teen years, it’s all about the makeup, hair and fitting in. The media influences us on how to find love, and society still expects us to fill roles. Now that we’re older we’re still bombarded by what love is suppose to look like.
Usually the man is to be successful, in a corporate job, in a suit and a woman if she’s a working woman is generally portrayed in a dress and if she’s management some corporations expect her to dress in pants. The man has short hair and women long hair up until a woman reaches a certain age, then society expects her to cut her hair short.
Love is not about a job title, nor is it about what someone does. That’s just the outer dressing. What counts is what is on the inside and how that person is, not just outwardly, but when no one is looking, without an audience and how he or she is naturally.
But the truth of all of this is both men and women want to be loved – a woman wants to be loved not for what she looks like or what she does, while a man wants to be loved for what he contributes, but more important he wants to be appreciated and respected for who he is and what he does.
There is a secret layer that rarely gets exposed in all of this. Both genders want love for who they are–on the inside, the rough edges of our emotional side that we all have, what we sometimes refer to as ‘ugly’ feelings. So if we all have the flip side of what we present to the world, we no longer have to pretend that they don’t exist. We are here to recognize and own the primal side of our darker emotions of jealousy, anger, sadness, greed, lust and hate. We have awareness now, we can deal with these primal feelings for they are here for us to recognize, to teach us about ourselves, to learn and grow from them and gain mastery of them, to grow ourselves up to become wiser men and women.
If we realize that these feelings come from a skewed picture of who we have thought we are or were, and see them in the light of day, we can mature beyond the projections of our un-owned self & unmet childhood needs, lessen the grip of emotions and their hold. We can move towards the maturity we seek in ourselves and within our partner, so we both can attain the grown up love we are looking for.
Something to think about…
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