The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, today’s topic: Advice Column 13, Friendship expectations and communication
Q: Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m over my friends. The things they do doesn’t interest me anymore. I’m focused on finishing school, finding a good job, and growing closer to God. All they want to do is party, shop, and mess around with guys. How can I end our friendship on good terms?
Side A: Have an upfront and respectful conversation with them, either over the phone or in person. Avoid using text messaging, instant messaging, or social networking sites to end the friendship. Like Friendship expectations, communication is key. When talking to them, don’t criticize them or cuss and yell at them. You reap what you sow. So, if you want to end your friendship on good terms, then you need to be good towards your soon-to-be ex-friends.
Side B: No matter how well you act, understand that there’s no guarantee that your friendship will end on good terms. Sometimes, you can’t be sure about how someone will respond to what you say or do. So, personally, I wouldn’t meet with them face-to-face. I would just call and talk to each of them, one at a time. And if they decide to be disrespectful, I’d just let them speak to my new friend, ‘Tone – as in dial tone.
Q: I’ve noticed that my friends don’t put alot of effort into celebrating my birthday, like I do for theirs. I go all out for their birthdays, but they don’t do the same for mine. If I’m having a dinner for my birthday, they show up late. If I’m having a party for my birthday, they leave early. It’s like, if the celebration isn’t for them, then they don’t care. Should I just cut them off or talk to them about this?
Side A: I believe that you should have a talk with them, period. I don’t believe in cutting someone off without letting that person know the reason why. Now, based on your conversation with them, you’ll know whether or not you should cut them off. If they’re willing to make a better effort to celebrate your birthday with you, in the future, then it’s obvious that they value the friendship and you shouldn’t cut them off. If not, then they don’t value the friendship and you should cut them off.
Side B: What are you expecting from your friends on your birthday? Are you simply expecting them to honor you with their time or are you expecting them to honor you with gifts and the like? If this is about spending quality time with them, then you should talk to them about this. If this is about being showered with gifts, then you should cut them off because they don’t deserve a “friend” like you. Maybe, your selfishness is the reason why your friends seem to not care about your birthday. Your friendship expectations and communication may just be unrealistic and you shouldn’t think about it like that.
Look out for the next On The Beat with Ms. Boogie, this has been, Advice Column 13, Friendship expectations and communication
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