The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.
Q: I feel bad for my co-worker. Although she’s a really nice person, she smells horrible. Everybody at the office is talking about her behind her back about it and I’m tired of it. Is there something that I can do to help her?
Side A: The best thing you can do to help her is to talk to her about it – outside of the office. Ask her for her phone number, so you can talk in a non-confrontational way. Constructive criticism is key in this situation, especially since you have a work relationship with her. An unhappy ending could cost you your job. So, make sure she understands that you’re genuinely concerned about helping her fix her hygiene problem rather than judging her. If she’s as nice as you say, then she’ll appreciate your care and honesty.
Side B: You shouldn’t handle this issue, directly, because there’s a possibility that she could put you in a bad position at work. You don’t know how she’ll react to your opinion. In worse-case scenario, she could lie and claim that you’re harassing her, which could bring you under review by your company. So, to protect yourself and your career, you should discuss it with your supervisor and then drop it. Eventually, this will be resolved.
Q: I’ve been having sex with my man for about a year and a half, now, and he refuses to perform oral sex. He claims that he’s saving that for marriage. I could possibly be ok with that, if he wasn’t asking me to perform oral sex! I feel that he’s being completely unfair and inconsiderate. I also feel that he’s lying about the reason why he doesn’t want to perform oral sex. What should I do?
Side A: It does seem like he’s lying about why he doesn’t want to perform oral sex. And he’s leading you on, in order to get his needs met. You should have a discussion with him about what you think about his side on this and how it makes you feel. Ask him, if there’s another main reason why he doesn’t want to perform oral sex. If there’s another main reason, try to come up with a solution to it. If he sticks to the original reason, then you need to evaluate how necessary oral sex is to you in your sex life. If you can do without it, then you shouldn’t have a problem respecting his decision to not perform oral sex. If you can’t do without it, then it might be best to end the relationship and find someone who is willing to perform oral sex before marriage.
Side B: You should take the “eye for an eye” [or shall I say, “head for head”] approach on this one. Stop performing oral sex. Tell him that you’re taking his side and you also want to wait until marriage to do it. If he drops to his knees, then problem solved! If not, plan B should be to have a discussion.
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