Cardi B and Offset are back together. The 28-year old “WAP” rapper and her soon to be ex-husband have been cycling through my news feed recently, as people try to figure out the “will they/won’t they” particulars of their relationship. The facts of the story are that this is the second publicized break-up between the two, with Cardi B filing for divorce on September 15th of this year. From what I can see on the internet, the divorce is still very much on; but Cardi’s feelings about her relationship to Offset are not as clear for the public and her self-proclaimed Bardi Gang fans.
I tend to take the celebrity news and mine it for takeaways I can use. And upon hearing their story, I was reminded of another personal affair from not too long ago.
On December 2nd of 2010, I spent the whole day driving around trying to find someone to marry me.
I was not sans groom—he was a gentleman with whom I chose to elope, after 23 blissful days of knowing each other. Or as my family would say “a total stranger”.
After driving first to Gwinnett, then Dekalb and finally, the Fulton County registrar’s office, we were able to get our license paperwork completed, and all that was left was to find someone to sign off on the paperwork. It was well after 5pm by that time, but lucky for us our church family had been ‘shipping the hell out of us since we met– and it happened to be Wednesday night bible study.
So on a wing and a prayer, we asked the pastor to marry us and he did. In front of him and his two armor-bearers (fellow married men), we pronounced our love for each other, God and chili (we met at a chili cook-off where we took 1st and 2nd prize respectively). We became united as one for all time: him in his black jeans and a black and gold t-shirt; me in my washed-out white sundress with red floral print on the skirt. A perfect picture of wedded bliss.
And in the almost years (and three children) since that fateful December, my husband and I have divorced, reconciled, fought, fucked, argued, reconciled, realized we were each other’s best friends, and repeated ad nauseum. I can honestly say it is only now after taking the time to heal and grow, have I realized I married someone exactly like me; with similar trauma (and trauma responses) but mild enough variations in our personalities to make the annoyances tolerable and downright adorable.
Now, why the hell am I sharing this story with you in the entertainment news section of this beloved internet magazine? Because believe it or not, my story sounds an awful lot like the story behind hearing Cardi B and Offset back together.
Cardi recently went live on Instagram to address her fans, as she’s been catching some flack from them after photos and videos surfaced of the two cozied up in Vegas on her birthday this past week (October 11th). On the topic of her and Offset being back together she said, “Listen y’all, I’m just a crazy bitch. You know how I be arguing with y’all on social media? That’s exactly how we are, between me and my man. So when people be saying I be doing s–t for attention, with this and that, no, I’m just a crazy bitch.”
“One day I’m happy, the next day I wanna beat a n—a up,” she continued. “I just be starting to miss [him]… It’s hard not to talk to your best friend. It’s really hard not to talk to your best friend. And it’s really hard to have no d–k.”
And to be real with y’all I feel her on that. I am absolutely still 100% legally divorced from my husband. It makes sense financially and tax-wise; given Offset’s baby-mama issues and Cardi’s rising net worth, it makes sense for them to do the same to protect her wealth from future child support claims.
But when it comes to the nitty gritty details of relating in marriage: that shit hard as fuck y’all. One day I be ready to murder him, the next I am head over heels in love. But most days I’m even keel, resting comfortably in the fact that no matter what goes down between me and him, one thing that will never change is that he is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my best fucking friend. The only difference between me and Cardi is: 1) I ain’t famous yet (soon come) and 2) I don’t post much about my relationship on social media after receiving a pro-tip from elder married couples (never involve friends or family in the goings on of your relationship, because although you may forgive your spouse, friends and family are not as generous in their understanding).
Let’s paint a more accurate picture of what is happening between the two of them, shall we:
Cardi B and Offset are back together and figuring it out. Period. End of story.
No, they do not know what to do because they are young, dumb and stupid just like most couples who marry young (I was 22 when I married my then 24-year-old husband). They are learning that saying til death do us part isn’t just some nifty catchphrase they throw in there to spice up the vows. No, that shit is work. It involves being brutally open and honest; making an active decision to commit to a person through all of their shit and vice versa.
And if that means you gotta get divorced and come back together anew (Beyonce and Jay-Z did, that’s what Everything is Love was all about), then that’s just what the fuck you gotta do.
Y’all wanna talk couple goals? This is it. This the ugly side of happily ever after: the confusion, the learning how to work together, the arguments, the healing, the therapy, the counselling; all of it. Especially when we consider both Cardi B’s origins as well as Offsets. This shit does not come easy and it damn sure don’t come natural.
Now with that out the way, let’s accept that Cardi B and Offset are figuring it out and put the issue to bed, because this will not be the last of confusion you see from the two of them (though I do hope they take that “leave if off social media” advice so they can have some peace as they heal, grow and evolve together). Let’s focus instead on the long career the two have ahead of ‘em (I see you with that Reebok deal Cardi!), rather than dishing out armchair advice on topics we may not be qualified to speak on ( i.e. if you ain’t been married for a minute, shut up about it).
Ok?
Photo credit: Getty Images North America – Steve Granitz / Contributor
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