Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell How many you’ve been with?

Here’s the scenario. You meet someone, who for the most part seems pretty decent. You’ve been kicking it for the past month or so, and things are progressing nicely. Then one evening, over dinner, your new boo ask you the dreaded question, “How many people you slept with?”

Now, fight or flight kicks in. Do you… suck it up and tell your new honey all the gritty details of your past including those hit and misses…or do you shave off a few folks whose names and faces you can’t remember and tell your sweetie a number that won’t send them running for the hills?

Generally, most people will chose plan B.

For obvious reasons, disclosing your “number” can cause more drama in a relationship then anything. No one wants to be with a rookie, but you don’t want to be bedding someone who has slept with more people than a little bit either; for various reasons-which can range from a health standpoint or just the desire to have some exclusiveness with the one you’re loving.

Truthfully, exposing their number may keep many women from finding that “Mr. Right. We all know how the male ego works, and no man wants to put time into a woman that he views is too easy.  She may be a late night play thing, but never anything more. And he will make that obvious from the jump.

Instead of focusing on numbers, new couples need to spend their energy having other conversations. Ask questions about your partners sexual history. Have they been tested? Do they have children? Have they ever contracted an STD? Questions like these will save you from a future headache and really give you the opportunity to spot out behaviors that might send you running for the hills anyway. Just think, if we really focused on asking the right questions, then Maury wouldn’t be so popular.

So, when you are hit the magic question, “How many people you been with?” make sure you adopt the same policy as the military…don’t ask…don’t tell!

Written by Freda Grant

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