Parlé with Us: Let’s Talk Not Being Afraid to Put Yourself First

The Power Of Saying No and Meaning It

Come parlé with us, and let’s get into the importance of being selfish sometimes. 

The definition of the word “no” is not at all; to no extent. But, honey, let me tell you. I didn’t know how to say no to a lot of things. I was always that person that people could depend on. Everyone knew I would say yes; within reason, of course. I was the babysitter, the driver, the helper, etc. It’s just the way my heart is set up.

It wasn’t until I hit my thirties that all those times I would say yes started turning into the word no. No, I’m not babysitting. No, I won’t drive you anywhere. No, I can’t help you out. It wasn’t like I had a vendetta against anyone; I was just tired of saying yes when I couldn’t get the same thing from all the people I was saying yes to. Of course, everybody got mad at me and asked me why I was saying no all of a sudden.

But that’s the thing. It wasn’t all of a sudden. I stopped answering phone calls and texts. People would reach out only when they needed something, so I started doing to them what they did to me. Now, I won’t say yes to anything. I’m proud of myself for that.

Recently, I had a co-worker talk to me about the fact that it was hard for her to say no to people and when she did, she would give excuses to them why she’d say no. I had to tell her to stop that. Just say no and leave it at that. You don’t need to give anyone an excuse for why you say no and here’s why.

They don’t pay your bills.

They don’t lay next to you at night.

They don’t take your stress away.

They don’t take care of your household.

They. Just. Don’t.

So, because of that, tell them no without any remorse. When it comes to certain things disrupting you, your life, or your home, no is easy to say. I implore every single person that I know to tell people no all the time. Why? Because when you’re sick or tired or broke, who can you call on? Give those people the same energy that they give you. If they’re never around until they want or need something, say no. Hell, say it as many times as it takes in order for them to get the point. And at no time should you give them an explanation of why you’re saying no.

I’m 37 years old now. All throughout my twenties, I said yes to everything and everybody. All I got for it was a bunch of negative energy and problems from people that I didn’t even birth into this world! That was an eye-opener for me. So now, I only say yes to what I want to. I don’t let anyone guilt-trip me into saying yes to a damn thing. I could care less about how they feel when I say no because they don’t care how I feel when I’m going through something.

Say no, Sis. Say no to everything that isn’t good for you, that doesn’t benefit you or won’t be reciprocated in the future. Just say no!

If people are mad about it, let them stay mad. At the end of the day you have to take care of yourself because if you ain’t good, nobody in your home is good. I don’t know about y’all, but I’d rather be good to those I know would be there for me beyond a shadow of doubt than those I have to question.

If all else fails, get an accountability partner. Get someone who will help you say no and mean it. Say no with no regrets and no reason. SAY NO!

Want to continue to Parlé with Us? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.


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Marina J

Starting her writing journey in 2014, Marina was introduced to the literary world by two names: Divine Six and Marina J.  With two very creative and unique writing styles, she became a fast known name in the industry. After taking a two-year hiatus from 2016-2018, Marina came back harder than ever with her book, The Devil Wears Dog Tags, which was based on a true story. Chronicled from her days as a military wife, Marina J bore her soul.  In 2019, with 18 books to her name to date, Marina opened her first business, Trap House Books, as an avenue to sell her books as well as other authors’ books. In the latter part of 2019, she opened another business, The Trap House Signature: Chicago, an online retail store.  Learning to create is the best thing about writing books and starting businesses. You never know what you’ll learn. Both of Marina’s businesses are co-owned by her six children. Her daughters are co-owners to the book store and her sons are co-owners to the retail store.  Hoping to expand her brand as a storyteller and potential game-changer, Marina has now delved into Journalism/Media. Along with being an author and entrepreneur, she currently serves as an intern for Parlé Magazine. “I’m teaching my children that they can do anything, by turning a dream into a legacy...” - Marina J

Marina J has 13 posts and counting. See all posts by Marina J

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