As this year winds down to an end, I am yet again tasked with the burden of shifting through piles of shit to bring you the top ten worst songs of 2014. I must confess that I couldn’t stomach listening to the radio all that much this year, so prior to making this list I had to do a lot of research and digging to determine who should be on this list and who gets a pass. I don’t know what’s trending, tweeting or selling out there musically but from what I have heard making this list, I’m scared of what the future may bring. There’s a lot of bad songs out there, but in order to make this list, the song has to be so bad the surgeon general should have slapped a warning label on it. Or it was simply a song that physically hurts you when its played and could even lower one’s IQ if listened to enough times. There are plenty of stupid repetitive songs that have no value other than the artist trying to cash a check that I would’ve loved to include but aren’t on here because they couldn’t all fit.
WARNING: this list is my own opinion, which many may not like. At the end of the day, I don’t know these artist personally and I have nothing against them.
Anyway, I hope you find this list/article entertaining and enlightening.
Top Ten Worst Songs of 2014
10) “All About That Bass” by Megan Trainor
The song title doesn’t make any sense. There’s more treble in this song than actual bass, if someone wanted to get technical with it. What was supposed to be an anthem celebrating full figured women has quickly turned into an artist trying to capitalize on the obesity epidemic in this country. Where 1/3 of the people in this country are considered obese or fat (myself included) being skinny and fit is almost a rarity nowadays.
Megan says to love yourself and that’s all you need. I am here to tell you that’s not how life works, the goal should be trying to better yourself and not just being happy with being content.
09) “Smartphones” by Trey Songz
As someone who’s been cheated on, I’m not a fan of this song. What makes it worse is that in this song, Trey isn’t apologizing for cheating or that he hurt his girl’s feelings. He’s basically sorry he got caught. If he had spent the rest of the song asking for forgiveness, I would’ve been okay with it but he says in the song that he’s gonna lie to his girl despite the fact that he’s been caught.
Words of advice to Trey (and guys like him), if you’re gonna cheat then turn your phones off.
08) “Booty” Jennifer Lopez Featuring Iggy Azalea
This has been the year of big ass song. As a man who appreciates a woman with curves, I am literally burnt out. JLo is too old to act this way. Someone who’s had a career like hers doesn’t need to lower the bar to gain attention. I’d expect that from someone like Miley Cyrus or an up and comer trying to make a name for themselves. I’ve never really been a fan of JLo but I do expect more and know she should and could do better.
In addition, the only Iggy I like went by the last name Pop.
07) “Tuesday” by ILOVEMAKKONEN & Drake
An artist with a name I can’t pronounce. A dreary club song that has nothing of value or substance. This made the list because even though I am a fan of Drake’s music, even he couldn’t save this song. A song so bad it lowers my expectations of a favorite featured artist.
I’ve never heard this song on a Tuesday and I worked at a bar/club a good majority of 2014.
06) “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj
THE VIDEO IS THE ONLY THING TO SAVE THIS SONG and it barely does it. There’s nothing likeable or redeemable about the song’s lyrics. She samples a very well known song but adds nothing to it. When Nicki put out “Stupid Hoe” I was convinced that she couldn’t sink any lower but when artists like Nicki Minaj claim their music is supposed to empower women and then have tracks with lyrics about sleeping with a man because he was a drug dealer and could buy you expensive things, that just makes you a whore with some sort of personality disorder.
05) “Main Chick” & “Show Me” both songs by Kid Ink
Both songs sound exactly the same and both songs feature Chris Brown. This bouncy synth driven DJ Mustard produced song just personifies laziness (production and lyric wise). I know as an artist trying to come up with new and fresh material is often difficult but no one involved with either of these songs even attempted to try. But if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Clearly, people love both these songs despite the overlapping similarities, I just find them both annonying.
I wish I could’ve included DJ Mustard’s whole catalogue from this year but I don’t have the time or energy to research and write it.
04) “Loyal” by Chris Brown Featuring Lil Wayne & Tyga
If you love hearing grown men talk bad about women then this is your anthem. People will often quote this songs saying “These hoes ain’t loyal,” but they’ve missed what I am assuming is the point of the song.
03) “No Flex Zone” by Rae Sremmurd
A rap duo consisted of two young men with no talent that you’ll probably forget about soon enough. Despite the fact I cannot pronounce this group’s name, I swear I thought they were about 14-17 years old so I was going to cut them a break but when I looked them up I found out both these boys are pushing 20. I mean the age difference shouldn’t matter but when I first saw them I was convinced they were still in middle school so I was willing to let it go.
If this is the ‘No Flex Zone’ then they shouldn’t be bragging about all the nonsensical things they’re supposedly doing.
H20 & Lean are NOT the same thing. Try drinking 2 gallons of Lean a day and see what happens.
02) “Hot Nigga” by Bobby Shmurda
I don’t mean to launch into a Black power speech but just bare with me. Not only black people, but people of all types can be ignorant. The glorification of living a life of ill-repent with the drinking, drugs and violence has too many young people (especially those of color) aspiring to be nothing but expecting some sort of success.
Bobby represents every negative stereotype ( aren’t all stereotypes negative?) about black power with this song (many other rappers do as well). It doesn’t even sound like he’s rapping but confessing to a list of felonies over a beat.
The Shmoney Dance just like the Superman (Soulja Boy) is the new shuckin’ and jiving that instantly became a joke (first off when he did it) but then I saw Ellen Degeneres and a bunch of white people (sorry to make it racial) doing it. The moonwalk and hammer dance are dance moves. The Shmoney dance as well as the name of this song “Hot Nigga” is just pure ignorance.
But then again, maybe I’m extra mad because someone said I looked like him.
01) “Or Nah” by Ty Dolla Sign featuring The Weekend & Wiz Khalifa
”24 Hours” by TeeFlii featuring 2 Chainz
“Don’t Tell Em” by Jeremih featuring YG
Not to sound like my grandfather, but I remember when songs used to be about love and how much you adored the other person and would do just about anything for them. Then songs were about making love and how good it would be because there’s a sense of an emotional connection between you and yours. Songs soon became about just fucking, no connection with the other person other than physical attraction [think: one night stand]. These three songs share the top spot because they degrade women but pose as softer songs. They’re not even trying anymore, it’s basically like they’re saying “I’m young and rich, so you should want to fuck me.” Yeah I know there are plenty of people into that, but in these songs, they openly admit that they’ll fuck women and leave them as soon as they are finished. In some cases if the women aren’t down to fuck, they’re going to get it regardless. Yeah, I’m not down with rape and that’s what I think of when I hear some of these songs. It’s not just wanting to fuck but the aggression and righteous sense of self entitled beyond it that worries me…
Image by Shawnene Vance