As a plant, mistletoe is a shameful parasite that clings to other living beings and sucks the life out of them in order to insure their own survival.
Can’t you see the sexual relevance already?
Historically, the correct mistletoe etiquette is for the man to remove one berry when he kisses a woman. When all the berries are gone, there is no more kissing underneath that plant.
However, as the years have passed, it’s myth and legend has evolved as well. The once chivalrous connotation of its original introduction has been quietly replaced with a shorter view of holiday magic and symbolism.
Today, the mistletoe is not a traditional representation of love and affection. Millennium love is more concise in definition and fluid in interpretation. Meaning, we “call all connections love, but may focus individually on just one thing”…Sex!
To that end, this wonderful plant offers the perfect opportunity for “gamers” who are willing to take risks in anticipation of immense (and intense) rewards.
Have you ever been at a party… let’s say office Christmas party and saw someone you had crush on standing alone? If you’re a “gamer”, you would begin to quickly locate the mistletoe and strategize on how to get them under it. If your plan worked, you offered up just enough lip to suggest the best was yet to come.
Well, why wait for situations like this? Why be contained by office parties or lame club situations?
Take the initiative and reap a Christmas booty call this year!
The holiday season provides a wealth of opportunities to enjoy an unHoly Night! Consider the divorcee down the street or the widower down the hall. The opportunities are boundless for a keen mind and the quick witted.
Holiday loneliness plagues over 42% of the country. That’s thousands of wonderful partners longing and needing some holiday love.
Why deny yourself the gift of giving them a part of you?
Consider it a memento for the season. You’ll be better for it and they’ll appreciate the gesture.
Since emotional bonds are strengthened faster than they are weakened, the “gamer” rules are critical during the holiday season.
Arrive at your unknowing holiday partner’s place at a respectable hour.. let’s say 5pm. When they answer the door let em’ know you were thinking about them this season and wanted to stop by and say “hi”. Have a potted plant or Christmas cookies in hand. These props are key to promoting the authenticity of your gesticulation.
Keep the conversation short and sweet but layered with compliments and flirtatious subtleties.
The key is not to overstay. So timing is critical. Once you made the right impression, offer a hint for a night cap. Say something like “I got a copy of Hitch or Why Did I Get Married Too, at the house. I was going to watch it later. I can bring it over if you like to watch it with me?”
Make sure you use the Denzel smile when you ask…you know the one where he barely opens his mouth to flash a peek of those pearly whites….or if your a female, use the Vivica Fox, “I’m really a hoochie trying to act like a lady look”!
When they accept the invite, “gamer won”. As the door closes, place a mistletoe above it for later.
When you arrive that night with the movie and lavation in hand, the mistletoe will start the festivities. The rest is natural science.
Consider yourself the bearer of holiday cheer for doing it.
Just make sure your protected that night….or “Away in a Manger” will be your holiday song next year!
Also Check Out:
How To Survive The Holidays with Your Partner’s Family
