Office Romances Can Screw You (oh, pun intended)
I know, I know. You see this hot piece of ass at work, or the more respectable reference, “an attractive colleague.” And you’ve heard the horror stories, but don’t really believe them. Why should you? Your penis is in love! Or vagina. Or whatever is guiding you towards making one of the dumbest decisions you’ll make this year. No way of talking you out of it I guess. But hey, you didn’t come to me to tell you it’s okay to be stupid. (Unless you did, then you’re really stupid)
How do you successfully get with that cute guy or girl at work? I have no idea. Quite frankly, I would never get into office relationships. From a guy’s perspective, (cause I am a guy after all and that perspective is pretty easy for me) let’s say you ask out that cubicle hottie Friday night. You have fun, f*ck, and she gives you a yeast infection. Or you hook up and she thinks you’re terrible in bed and then tells all your coworkers how little you know about a woman’s body. Every time you walk by the water cooler you hear snickers and people instantly turn quiet and you know they were just talking about your ineptness. If this information worked its way up to your boss, both of you could be fired. Is your career & financial stability worth a whim of relationship and possible humiliation with this girl?
Let’s say you’re the best under-the-sheets-man a woman’s ever had. No consequences then, right? Might as well go for it! Then again, what happens when all the happy goo ga feeling are gone? (which is definitely a possibility) Then you two can’t work on the same project cause it’s awkward. You don’t like going to the cafeteria right at noon cause that b*tch will be there. Yes, these are minor inconveniences, and maybe the break up goes well (ha ha, okay I’ll humor you).
From my personal experience, I was faced with one of the worse scenarios possible (excpet aids. Wasn’t faced with anything like that). I worked at a clothing store and my co-worker was damn fine with a funny/adorable personality. So one day I complimented on how hot she looked (so she would be grateful, we’d start dating and live happily ever after), but sadly she didn’t think my affection was so sweet. Later my boss asked me to step outside and said the girl I hit on was like a daughter to him. She told him what happened and how it made her uncomfortable. He said that could be grounds for termination and sexual harrassment charges! Yeah, I know! One compliment and I was about to go to court, what the f*ck? I didn’t even get out of the gate of an office romance and it screwed me.
Now, thankfully we got everything cleared up. I apologized to both the girl and my boss and got back on my boss’s good graces and my co-worker and I were friends again (and nothing more). But there’s so much risk involved in dating a co-worker with not that much to gain (when there’s plenty of other people outside your job atmosphere) there’s just no reason to put yourself through all of that.
At the end of the day, you’ll do whatever your hormones tell you. And then you’ll regret it. And probably get fired. Or possibly charged with sexual harrassment and go to jail and/or attend superfluous “I respect women” seminars. Or at the very least things will get awkward two months later after you two have broken up. So I suggest you either quit and then date this potential partner, or find someone outside of the office who won’t jeopardize your career, goals, freedom, and current work life comfortability.
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