When I received the assignment from my editor, Mr. Kevin Benoit to interview a author who had the inside story on how a woman can fix her relationship in one minute, I simply said to myself, “Fascinating.” I immediately thought of all my favorite childhood fairy tales where the princess finds her prince charming and they fall madly in love and live happily ever after, without a care or worry in the world. Then I snapped out of it and reminded myself, this is real life, most women end up kissing their fair share of frogs, snakes, and dogs before they find their “Mr. Right” or even come close to finding a potential mate that has some of the characteristics that they desire. I simply could not wait to speak to the love doctor himself, Mr. Jay Fleming-Smith. Here is a look at our full interview.
Parlé: In your words Jay, tell me about your book Fix Your Relationship in One Minute?
Jay Fleming-Smith:Fix Your Relationship in One Minute, is a self-help guide on how to find the right guy and keep the right guy. Based on people that I met and interviewed predominately in NYC or LA.
Parlé: Quick Question, when I first saw the title, I said to myself “that Mr. Jay is either a genius or really, really brave.” Have you received any backlash from males?
Fleming-Smith: No, the only question that I receive from people is, “How do you fix your relationship in a minute?” The answer to that is, if you are single or in a relationship, it really only takes a person a minute to figure out if they have something good, or if they’re in a bad relationship. In one minute, you kind of know deep down inside what to do. However whether it takes a female one minute to do something about her relationship or life, that’s another question.
Parlé: What inspired you to write a book that’s targeted towards empowering women and self-improvement?
Fleming-Smith: You know what LaTrice, I am a very social person through my work. I have met so many people throughout my life in the last ten years that have shared so many challenging stories about relationships, such as, “It’s not working out,” or “It’s really hard to find good people.” The interesting thing is that many of the people had everything going for them, had a great career, good education, very nice, good looks and still could not get it together. And as a result of that I became intrigued. I heard more and more stories ranging from amusing, to tragic, to horror and frustrating stories and I thought to myself, ‘You know what? I am a very good listener, but I am also very opinionated. So, why don’t I put those qualities together in a book about how to really find Mr. Right in today’s life.’
Parlé: You know for me it’s so interesting to find a male who is able to emotionally identify with a female when it comes to dealing with issues of love, intimacy and commitment. I had a chance to go on your website and it’s cool how innovative and interactive your site is. You have a mini-web series on your site that gives the audience a glimpse of what to expect from your book by introducing different stories and demonstrating scenarios. I am curious to know if the little stories on your site are based off any of your personal experiences or just a combination of you hearing the stories that the women are going through?
Fleming-Smith: All of the stories in the book are based on real life antidotes, not based off my personal life. The stories are based on real life events that took place in the lives of individuals that I met. One of the videos that we shot between the boy and the girl, when the girl confronts the boy by asking him “Do you love me?” and he responds “Well I love you, but I love the fact that you never ask me that question.” That story was actually told to me by a female that I interviewed in Los Angeles several years ago. I just want to use real life examples. Throughout my research for writing the book, I purchased and read a lot of these relationship books and they are very the theoretical. And I wanted to do the opposite, I wanted to talk about practice and give hands-on advice.
Parlé: If you had an opportunity to give any advice to the men out here, what advice would you give them in regard to having issues with committing or just the fear of commitment?
Fleming-Smith: The advice that I would give to any men out there with commitment issues is, first of all you need to know yourself as a man. And you need to know what you want out of life and when you are ready for anything in life. Whether it’s education, career or a relationship. You need to think about it very carefully. Once you enter a relationship with a woman, you need to understand that a woman always has more expectations in regard to the longevity of the relationship than men. Men and women are wired differently. I would say to the men to do a little bit of self-analysis.
Parlé: And what advice would you give to women who find themselves in relationships with men who may be fearful or not interested in commitment?
Fleming-Smith: As a woman if you don’t feel in your heart of hearts that the man is the right person for you, if you have doubts that he is the man that you want to have children or start a family with, you have to move on.
Parlé: And what happens if children are already involved?
Fleming-Smith: That’s a different story. When there are children involved it becomes very complicated. Because you have to understand that children are very sensitive and vulnerable. They hopefully should not become the subject of a fight between two parents. That’s why I say in my book, “Before you enter a relationship with a man and have children, think twice. Think twice if this is the right man for you.” You know people can change over your lifetime, but you have to use a little bit of common sense and the thing that woman have that men don’t have, that thing is called female intuition. I would say don’t give too many men the benefit of the doubt. You know in your heart when you are with a good guy, and you know when you are with a bad guy. And when you have a little bit of doubt, don’t give that man the benefit of the doubt, go out and find somebody else. It’s not bad to leave a relationship; it’s going to hurt a lot, but it’s like a Band-Aid you have to rip it off very quickly, and then move on very quickly because before you know it another year is going to be gone.
Parlé: I read on your website that you are in fact in a relationship. With Valentines Day just passing, did you guys do anything special for Valentines Day?
Fleming-Smith: You know what LaTrice, I told my girlfriend that I was looking for restaurants and they were all booked. I asked her if she would mind if I cooked for her, and she said, “You’re going to cook for me? How romantic!” I said “Done!”
Parlé: Where can we pick up a copy of your book?
Fleming-Smith: You can order through Amazon. You can buy it on Amazon worldwide. Right now the focus is on e-Books, you can download it on any device. It’s all available on Amazon.com.
Parlé: How can the readers connect with you?
Fleming-Smith: I speak with women every single day about relationships. They can send me a private message on my FB page, Fix Your Relationship in One Minute and I personally will try to respond to all emails within 24 hours.
Parlé: I know that you live in between London and New York, do you plan on having any meet and greets in the NYC area, sometime in the future? I am sure some of the ladies would love to meet you in person.
Fleming-Smith: That will be great, It’s definitely a part of the plan to do a meet and great. And have a book tour.
Parlé: Thanks for the time. Look forward to the book tour.
Order your copy of Fix Your Relationship here!
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