Same game, new rules, different players. Let’s talk about the first date.
The world of dating only keeps evolving with time and technology. Nowadays, swiping right on Tinder could land you a new love connection. A quick wave on Facebook could spark up a conversation with a future soulmate. A tweet-back on Twitter could make it go down in the DM. And something as simple as double tapping a photo on Instagram could even serve as a flirty gesture to a potential partner.
With the rising number of innovative methods of social media, in this day and age, there are so many digital avenues for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Physical meet-and-greets have almost become extinct, the chances of face-to-face interactions are less and less common, and vibes are attempted to be felt through cellular devices, while in-person energy is often forgotten about. All thanks to online platforms and Apple’s leading video chat invention, FaceTime.
So, where does that leave us who actually still believe in first dates beyond today’s ‘Netflix and Chill‘ craze? Though the dating scene has adopted more unconventional lanes than conventional, does the same commandments apply?
The questions could go on and on, but every answer won’t be the same.
We recently sat down with two of our female staff writers and asked their views on dating as a millennial in 2019, what they feel is appropriate, and the tea on their own experiences.
Here’s what they had to say…
You’ve been asked out on a first date, now what?
Who pays for the first date?
Ronny: I like to eat, so wherever I go, I order according to what I can afford. If he picks up the tab, great but if he doesn’t, I can always cover myself!
Ashley: I was definitely raised to believe that the man should pay for the first one, so that’s how I’ve always believed, too. However, it’s extremely important to have your OWN money! Even if he does agree to take care of the ticket. I would never go on a date broke because, for one, I don’t know homeboy to fully trust him. Who’s to say that he won’t get there and use the infamous line, “I left my wallet.” Or, what if his card gets declined? Better yet… what if the date goes sour, and he decides that he doesn’t want to pay? Then, you’re going to be up the creek without a paddle. So, I say never voluntarily pay, but be sure to come prepared to pay… for your own food.
Are you traditional or modern when it comes to your dating style?
Ronny: For me, it depends on the person and how comfortable I feel. For instance, I’ve met a person at the location before vs. allowing him to pick me up/drop me off. I’ve also invited a guy out before instead of waiting for him to ask, first.
Ashley: I’m not really the one to suggest going out… ever. [laughs] I know, maybe that’s why I’m single! But, to me, I like to wait and see if the person is going to make that move. As far as how we’ll get there, it depends on how long I’ve been talking to him and the level of comfort. If I feel like he won’t do any crazy ish, I don’t mind letting him pick me up. But, you can never say what people will/won’t do. I’m very skeptical nowadays; I like to play it safe. Which is another reason why I think I’d rather date one guy at a time, just so I could really get in tune with the person I’m dealing with. So, yeah, you could probably call me traditional.
If your date forgets their wallet, what do you do?
Ronny: Waiter! I’d like to split this check, please!
Ashley: You might need to ask him that question! [laughs] Because I know what I’m going to do! Dividing the check, paying my portion, and getting ghost. I’d rather not watch him wash the dishes.
What has been your best first date?
Ronny: Honestly, I’ve had several first dates that I thoroughly enjoyed. One of my favorites came from an ex that came over at seven am, cooked me breakfast before work and then watched I Love Lucy with me.
Ashley: Not sure if you could call this a “date,” but I once attended a formal ball with this guy I’d known for a few years. Being that we’d only been friends, I was really impressed at how special he made me feel. Even in a room full of people, he was really attentive and respectful. Pulled out my chair, offered to fix my food. I don’t just like any-ole-body over my food, so I declined that offer, but it was the thought that counted. We sat, ate, talked, danced, then went back to sitting, eating, and talking some more… for like three hours! Until the event was over. It was a really nice outing, and we got to pick each other’s brain.
How about the worst?
Ronny: I met this guy at Miller Ale House. He never took his eyes off of the T.V.
Ashley: Honestly, my dating stories are far and few. So, I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever had a “worst” date, necessarily.
What’s the deciding factor for a second date?
Ronny: The presence of organic chemistry, a genuine connection. I like being around people where I don’t feel like I need to be anything or anyone “extra” to impress anyone. So, if we go out and the vibe is right, then, absolutely, let’s get together again!
Ashley: I’d have to agree with Ronny on this one! If I can be myself around you, laugh as loud as I want, then you might just score a second go ‘round with me. It’s all about how comfortable that person makes me feel and if they’re good company.
Your dream date?
Ronny: I want both myself and him to have a good time so ideally, probably something we both have been wanting to do/try; or, him putting in the effort to plan something that I have been wanting to do. Like, finding food trucks dedicated to mac and cheese!
Ashley: Honestly, this may sound extremely corny, but I’m a sucker for ice cream. So, a date to one of those fancy, big-city ice cream parlors would be fun. I’m a true believer in the whole “you don’t have to go all out to have a great date” thing. Besides, who doesn’t want to get ice-cream-wasted and lost into a great conversation? However, if the person hates ice cream (which I highly doubt), a picnic at a vineyard would be dope.
Advice for first-time daters?
Ronny: Be forthcoming with your intentions and just have fun with the person! Trust your instincts above all.
Ashley: Be careful about who you choose to give your time to. You’ll never fully “know” someone, but pay attention to energy and vibes. That can tell you a lot about a person.
Check out a few responses from our story Q&A on Instagram below!