According to Twitter, gone should be the days of the Black proverb “I ain’t one of your little friends” that has lived in our households since (what feels like) the beginning of time.
Recently, a man by the name of Dana White took to the social networking platform to give a brief breakdown of why he feels that it’s actually imperative for Black parents to be their child’s first friend.
“Black people, you can absolutely be your child’s friend and parent. If you can’t figure out that balance and understand why it’s necessary, maybe don’t have kids,” he wrote in the now-viral tweet. “A Black child’s first and best friends should be at home.”
Black people, you can absolutely be your child’s friend and parent. If you can’t figure out that balance and understand why it’s necessary, maybe don’t have kids. A Black child’s first and best friends should be at home.
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
White continued by expressing that a lot of the younger generation in the Black community haven’t been able to say that they were provided safe havens throughout their adolescence.
“I’ve worked with too many young people over the years who can’t tell their parents anything because that relationship is strictly ‘do what I say or else,'” he said. “This is not a world that loves or is friendly to Black children. They will learn that young and be reminded often. Be a soft place.”
I’ve worked with too many young people over the years who can’t tell their parents anything because that relationship is strictly “do what I say or else.”
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
However, the user didn’t quite end it there. He then followed up with a thread of other tweets, further detailing the dire need for Black children to be allowed spaces of security from their parentals in today’s social climate.
“This is not a world that loves or is friendly to Black children. They will learn that young and be reminded often. Be a soft place,” White elaborated.
This is not a world that loves or is friendly to Black children. They will learn that young and be reminded often. Be a soft place.
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
You’re not one of their “little friends.”Maybe that factors into why Black children are over represented among unaccompanied homeless youth, early adolescent Black youth are twice as likely to die by suicide than white peers, etc
But you know, I’m no parent.
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
No demographic of parents is online, on television, on a mic talking about they refuse to be their child’s friend more than Black parents. But baby, the statistics are already there. And you can point to systems, but do you like your child and do they like and trust you?
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
There’s such commitment to not being your child’s friend as well as their parent. Ask yourself why that is. Sit with how you view children and youth, whether that’s as human beings worthy of your friendship.
Is it that, in friendship, respect has to go both ways?
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
No one in this country is less respected or less protected than Black children. Damn, their parents don’t even want to be their friends? Wild, wild, wild.
— Dana White (@ItsDanaWhite) December 19, 2022
Of course, White’s rant welcomed a bunch of opinions from others. Some sat in agreement, while others blatantly disagreed.
Here’s what they had to say about the topic at hand…
Twitter Argues That Black Parents Should Be Their Child’s First Friend
Nope. We can be friends later when they are grown. For now I’m the parent and my job is to guide them best as I can to independent adulthood. There’s going to be plenty of things I say and demand if them they won’t like. They’ll be mad at me sometimes. That’s ok.
— don’t fear the reaper (@thereisacode) December 19, 2022
I don’t think a parent could ever be friends with their child bc that r’ship dynamic comes with a power imbalance.
I do think parents can offer the same *feeling* healthy f’ships give — a safe space for them to grow into themselves. Just think it should be called something else.
— Petty L’Belle ☾ (@xoJoyBelleox) December 20, 2022
I’m a friend of God and my kid can be a friend to me. Of course there would have to be boundaries but that’s true for any friendship.
I think a lot of people don’t want to be their kids friend because you can’t hit your friends.
— Choo Choo (@oldbabysister) December 20, 2022
The issue is that society negatively perceives the word “parent” but positively perceives the word “friend”. All parents aren’t bad and all friends aren’t good. Choosing to solely be a parent isn’t negative if you know how to navigate correctly.
— . (@shejustwrites_) December 20, 2022
This is a beautiful dynamic but I am not equipped with the tools to provide this for my children because I never had that experience with my own parents. I could try but I don’t know if I ever would be qualified for it.
— God’s jewel ✨ (@ezinne_akam) December 19, 2022
Ppls need to understand there’s different kinds of friendships. The friendship with your parent isn’t the same as your partner or best friend. That doesn’t make it any less important. Your spouse is your partner AND friend. Your sibling is a sibling AND friend. You can be both.
— Eric Adams’ # 1 hate account (@fibromiteready1) December 19, 2022
I’m not the friend but my child can come to me with anything. It doesn’t go the other way where I’m sharing inappropriately or we are equals though. So it’s not a friendship.
— Dalilou79 (@dalilou79) December 19, 2022
My parents have always been my best friends and for that reason I’m more inclined to listen to them and respect their wishes because it’s not an act of control just because their my parents. This is also why most of my friends hate their parents but love mine smh
— Mrs. Cant Be Fucked With (@skyboogieee) December 19, 2022
Yeah no. I’m all for “gentle parenting” but a friend is generally a peer.
My child will never be my peer – we will always have a father – child dynamic and the respect that goes along with it— Da_Unpopular_Opinion (@Mik32Mik3) December 19, 2022
If anyone is offended by this, ask yourself: Do you see your child as an individual or property? Do you respect them or just demand their respect? How did you feel about the adults in your life growing up? When you were younger did you feel understood/respected by those adults?
— Jamie Blake (@Jamkadefur) December 20, 2022
Mine were both. They gave me loving guidance and boundaries, but they also made it clear that they enjoyed and valued my company as a human being, not just as their daughter. As I grew, they treated me as a whole person with her own path to follow. They were my first friends.
— The opposite of a gun is love (Blkwomanprofessor) (@jbordeaux4) December 19, 2022
Its me! I’m a friend Ma…lml. My daughter just turned 21 and is a senior in college and when I tell you we speak on the regular bc she stalks me…lml. I decided early on to be her friend. So far it has worked for us both!🙌🏽💯
— Pretti Dope 💫 (@PrettiDope) December 20, 2022
absolutely this!! I love my parents but my lifelong friendship with my mom has saved me & been my anchor through so much. I hope I’m even half of that for my daughter, I try to be, I had a great example.
— don’t play ya self (@Curly_cici) December 19, 2022
This is a good point, but I can’t understand how someone would figure out this balance before they have a kid. A trusting, friendly dynamic is something you can strive for, certainly, but how do you plan for it before you even meet the person you have to raise?
— Your Acid Bath Princess of the Dark (@mTHXMPSXN) December 19, 2022
Nah.I had the best of both worlds. My dad was my friend and my mom was really strict. I credit everything I know to my mom. My mom is twice my age. She isn’t my friend
— Ashley 🤎 (@AshleysFreeTime) December 20, 2022
Yeah I was thinking about this earlier. You have balance and boundaries (like any healthy relationship). Which is why it’s important for parents to start critical thinking skills early and the ability to explore nuance with the child as well. It makes life easier in the long run
— 😈 Thicc King 😁 (@bevlogsbe) December 20, 2022
It also informs the way their non-familial friendships will go. If you can’t cheer your babies on, laugh with them, guide them and *positively* check them on their bs, then what are y’all doing except setting them up to have no real connection with you?
— Soleil💋 | she/her (@theesailorgoon) December 20, 2022
The first time I heard a black parent literally say they’re their child’s friend was on Gossip Girl. I realized too that their relationship was the healthiest on the damn show – the father loved and respected his daughter, and the other way around. Trust was built both ways.
— Shaina Brown (@ItsShayDarling) December 20, 2022
I love being my daughter’s friend. It saddens me not every parent has the capacity or capability of having this relationship dynamic. Especially with our daughters. She’s 14 and I see how enriching and empowering it is for her in a world that tells her she’s worthless daily.
— Sylk Thee Chakra (@ebz617) December 20, 2022
I don’t think your parents have to be your friend, but I do believe they should be a center for safety, care& nurture. They should be teaching you what a good friend looks like through guidance but also through behavior which looks like integrity, trust, respect& communication.
— suzybishop’s scissors (@hisuzybishop) December 20, 2022
Too many parents disrespect children. Do not listen and allow them space and opportunity to speak or share. They are not the child’s safe space. They are another adversary. Another thing to overcome.
— cyberjobmentor.com (@cyberjobmentor) December 20, 2022
Yep the balance is key. My kids tell me way to much but hell why not. N they call me first when they are stressed out or frustrated.
— Nikki Bey (@NikkiLake5) December 20, 2022
My kid and I have a pretty great relationship. He feels safe with me and confides in me. I’m his first friend, not his first bully.
— Assassination Coordinates (@specialk26) December 20, 2022
If a child’s best friend is their parent, my son-friend is gonna roast the life out of them in middle school about it.
— it should have been Quavo (@HardRapLyricism) December 20, 2022
I’ve waited since the 90s to see someone other than myself make this point.
— Nadine 🌷#TimeForShadamYr (@Rosannasfriend) December 19, 2022
Imagine knowing your parents as fun, kind, loving and sweet until you do something they don’t like. The child’s first bully is born. Don’t be that parent. pic.twitter.com/xSbO2SR9Yn
— Thique Wakandan (@jayisonherway) December 20, 2022
Why do parents see being your friend as an insult? Is it because they see children as inferior? Even in a parent-child relationship, you don’t need to be so dominant that you see your child as less. Then you wonder why your children grow up with certain traumas + low self esteem
— tay’laur (@taylaurambrene) December 20, 2022
What are your thoughts? Should a parent be their child’s friend? Let us know in the comments below!
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