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“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie Dealing with dating uncertainty and being honest in relationships

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“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie:
The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.
Q: About a month ago, this cute guy approached me on the street. We talked for a little bit, then he asked for my number. I gave it to him, seeing that he was a nice guy. Since then, we’ve been talking on the phone (and online) non-stop. I’m ready to take it to the next level and go on a date with him, but every time I bring the subject up, he just says we’ll go out when he’s free. I feel like he’s giving me an excuse and I don’t know what to do. Should I just forget about him and move on? Or give him another chance?
Side A: I can see how his response seems shady, but he could really be busy. By constantly asking about going out on a date with him, you’re adding pressure on him and that’s going to cause him to lose interest in you. Be patient. Let him take the lead in this situation and give him another few weeks to ask you out on a date.
Side B: My answer would be based on the reason why he’s not free. Is it his job? His kids? If he’s given you a substantial reason as to why he’s not free, then you need to respect it and give him some time to go out with you. Now, if he’s given you a reason [or no reason at all and] that doesn’t sit well with you, then you need to listen to your instincts and move on.
Q: My girlfriend asked me, if I was gay. I told her, “No,” although I messed around with this guy once. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I was afraid that she’d leave me. Now, I can’t eat, sleep, or do anything else because I feel guilty. Please help me fix this.
Side A: If you feel guilty for lying, then you need to tell your girlfriend about your experience with a guy. If she chooses to leave you, then she wasn’t the right woman for you, anyway. Otherwise, she would have stayed with you because of who you are in the present and not left you because of what you did [and with whom] in the past.
Side B: Honesty is the best policy, but too much honesty is the best poison. Your girlfriend asked if you’re gay, which means if you have an ongoing sexual attraction to or sexual relations with a man. If this really doesn’t apply to you, then there’s no reason to feel guilty and/or share that part of your life with her. If you still desire to mess around with a man, however, then you need to be upfront with your girlfriend about everything. It would be unfair to the both of you to use her as a shield to hide who you are. By doing so, you’re robbing her of the chance to be with someone who can fully commit to her and you’re robbing yourself of the chance to be with someone who can love you for who you are.
About Ms. Boogie:
Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker.
To submit a question to “On the Beat,” e-mail ms.boogierienecker@gmail.com.

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, Today’s topic: Advice Column 6, Dealing with dating uncertainty and being honest in relationships

Q: About a month ago, this cute guy approached me on the street. We talked for a little bit, then he asked for my number. I gave it to him, seeing that he was a nice guy. Since then, we’ve been talking on the phone (and online) non-stop. I’m ready to take it to the next level and go on a date with him, but every time I bring the subject up, he just says we’ll go out when he’s free. I feel like he’s giving me an excuse and I don’t know what to do. Should I just forget about him and move on? Or give him another chance?

Side A:  I can see how his response seems shady, but he could really be busy. By constantly asking about going out on a date with him, you’re adding pressure on him and that’s going to cause him to lose interest in you. Be patient. Let him take the lead in this situation and give him another few weeks to ask you out on a date.

Side B:  My answer would be based on the reason why he’s not free. Is it his job? His kids? If he’s given you a substantial reason as to why he’s not free, then you need to respect it and give him some time to go out with you. Now, if he’s given you a reason [or no reason at all and] that doesn’t sit well with you, then you need to listen to your instincts and move on.

Q: My girlfriend asked me, if I was gay. I told her, “No,” although I messed around with this guy once. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I was afraid that she’d leave me. Now, I can’t eat, sleep, or do anything else because I feel guilty. Please help me fix this. 

Side A:  If you feel guilty for lying, then you need to tell your girlfriend about your experience with a guy. If she chooses to leave you, then she wasn’t the right woman for you, anyway. Otherwise, she would have stayed with you because of who you are in the present and not left you because of what you did [and with whom] in the past. 

Side B:  Honesty is the best policy, but too much honesty is the best poison. Your girlfriend asked if you’re gay, which means if you have an ongoing sexual attraction to or sexual relations with a man. If this really doesn’t apply to you, then there’s no reason to feel guilty and/or share that part of your life with her. If you still desire to mess around with a man, however, then you need to be upfront with your girlfriend about everything. It would be unfair to the both of you to use her as a shield to hide who you are. By doing so, you’re robbing her of the chance to be with someone who can fully commit to her and you’re robbing yourself of the chance to be with someone who can love you for who you are.

About Ms. Boogie:

Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker.

To submit a question to “On the Beat,” e-mail ms.boogierienecker@gmail.com.

Look out for the next “On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie, this has been Advice Column 6, Dealing with dating uncertainty and being honest in relationships


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