The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.
Q: My boyfriend and I have been separated for awhile, now. We love each other, but we decided to take a break from all the stress of our relationship. I’m not sure how he’s living without me, but I’ve been really horny and lonely! I don’t want to complicate things between us by calling him for sex, but I feel guilty for even thinking about being with someone else. Do you think it would be wrong for me to have sex with someone else, right now?
Side A: If you feel guilty for just thinking about having sex with someone else, then your feelings are likely to worsen, if you actually do it. And you’re right about calling your boyfriend for sex; it could complicate things. Maybe, you should use this separation as a time for self-indulgence. Take the time to do things that you’ve always wanted to do, but do it all on your own. Go on a trip, enjoy a night out on the town, and try other things – by yourself! Your new lifestyle won’t only distract you from your lack of intimacy, but it’ll also liberate you and make your life a bit more fun!
Side B: It wouldn’t be wrong for you to have sex with someone else, if you and your boyfriend agreed to have sex with other people, during your separation. If you did agree to do so, then you shouldn’t feel guilty about pursuing another man. If you didn’t agree to do so, then I’d suggest that you purchase self-pleasuring toys for those horny and lonely nights!
Q: It’s been eight years, since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, but I still miss him. I’ve dated other guys, since then, but nobody compares to him. I know he’s seeing someone new, but I want to let him know how I feel. Can you help me?
Side A: Since he’s seeing someone, right now, you shouldn’t do anything. It’s possible that you’ve missed out on a few great guys, already, because you’re comparing and expecting him to be like your ex-boyfriend. And you will continue to miss out, until you let go of your past relationship and truly focus on a future one. So, as hard as it may be, you need to motivate yourself to move on. Besides, like the saying goes, whatever’s meant to be will be. And there’s no sense in wasting time on what may never be, so be with someone else!
Side B: Honey, it’s been eight years. If he wanted you back in his life, chances are that he would’ve already made that clear to you, by now. And you should really think about that. Now, if you’ve already thought hard about that and you truly can’t move on, then read on. If you only want to share your feelings with him and you expect nothing from him in return, then go for it; write him a letter or send him an e-mail about how you feel. But, if you’re expecting for the two of you to re-kindle your romance and live happily ever after, then you need to wait to approach him as a single man.
– About Ms. Boogie: Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker. To submit a question to “On the Beat,” e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
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