To Pay or Not To Pay: Should The Woman Ever Pay For The Date???

Soooo, Who Pays For Dinner???

“If I get you some lobster and some Moet you know what’s happening next? I’m going deep sea diving” -“Bunz”
Played by Jamie Foxx in Booty Call (1997)

To pay or not to pay?  That is the question.  The foremost statement is my own rendition of the famous soliloquy of William Shakespeare.  Should the cost of a well prepared dinner and activity of choice subsequently rely on you sleeping with someone? Must a person subject themselves to inedible cuisine and a horrid atmosphere in order to maintain control?  Furthermore, regardless of the price is there a rule as to who pays for dinner, and under what circumstances. Those recurring questions play like a never ending reel when preparing for an evening out.

Like most people I try not to place myself in any unfavorable situations. Growing up as a young woman I was constantly informed to protect myself and carry “vex money.”  Vex money is a term meaning to have sufficient funds to pay for their tab (food and/or activity) and a cab ride home in case their date begins to act unreasonable. It is almost barbaric to assume because you purchased someone a Big Mac that they must unzip their trousers for you. Society has placed so much on quid pro quo behavior most people have forgotten the humanistic side of dating.

One will think what is dating’s basic purpose? Webster defines dating as a series of social engagements in order to get married.  What most people are doing is confusing dating with a prostitutes’ “pay for play “ persona.  Sitting down and breaking bread with someone, a symbol of peaceful exploring commonalities can be tainted by the looming thought from the person sitting with them  “I better be getting laid tonight.”

Within life there are subsets, so naturally within social interactions the same would apply. If person A invites Person B out, the bill arrives and person A is to pay for the duo. Basically proper etiquette is whoever invites is supposed to pay. This notion is in comparison to someone having a dinner party asking their guests to bring their own food and serve. In that moment all you can be is shocked and appalled while learning a valuable lesson. The lesson being certain people are tacky, classless and don’t care.

Although it is called common sense, as they say it is not always common and people aren’t aware of etiquette because no one has taught them. Or they may have been taught, but the world has made them so jaded it has nullified all sense of earnest intentions in regards to getting to know someone for the sake of meeting new people. Everything proper and tactful has now been deemed antiquated or old fashion.  Generation Y [those born in early 1980-Early 2000’s] are the reason for  this mantra due to the  fast paced, social media driven, oversexed and self-entitled adults. The term of courting has been replaced with being “thirsty,” making it difficult for a person to show genuine interest in the fear of being labeled borderline obsessive.

When you have something as simple and wonderful as a sit down dinner become the root for sexual advancement your vision cannot be anything but obscured. Food is one element that can bring parties together but shouldn’t be the basis of how you should be together.

So who pays for dinner? Bottom line payment rendered, or who invited who shouldn’t matter as long as the parties both feel comfortable and well informed.  Rules are made and amended all the time.


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KC Ross

KC Ross is a writer and Chef from Queens, New York. To most of her peers she is known as a food enthusiast. Ms Ross will go far and beyond to bring you the connections between all elements with food and like which can be seemingly separate. KC has been cooking professionally for over 5 years. Previously, she worked as a Specialty Chef for Google in New York City while writing her own blog. Currently she works as a Chef at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City and Resides in Queens. Follow her on Twitter and IG @KC_RossNYC

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