Remember, You Can’t Wish Away Red Flags

…And You Can’t Turn A Red Flag Into A Green One

Ya’ll, we gotta stop dating potential and pay attention to who people really are. My mother always said, fall in love with a man that loves you more than you love him. I think what my mom meant was, be with someone that can put in as much effort, if not more into you as you do to them. If you live in a major city, like many, you may feel like the dating pool has a little bit of pee in it! Hell, it may even have traces of feces these days. With all the competition, the stunting on the gram, and the Future Hendrix admirers, dating can really be discouraging. Don’t give up! I promise you, patience will reward you!  If you are a single person looking to seek a potential match here are some “red flags,” you must pay attention to.

I know sometimes you want to be generous and “give people a chance,” and that’s fine if you are using good judgement.  Sometimes lowering your standards can end up hurting you in the long run. You have to be able to draw the line between giving someone a chance and compromising what you want in a person. If you want your person to be stable financially, you don’t have to settle if you see his finances are impeding your lifestyle. Also, it’s important to pay attention to comments someone makes about your finances. The, “oh you fancy”, or “must be nice” remarks can at times mean more than a joke, especially if they are consistent.

Pay attention to signs of love bombing. Ya’ll know them! The ones that want to marry you or want you to be their baby mama on the second date! The ones that say things like, “I think you are my soulmate” before they have even learned your last name. Although, indeed these feelings can be valid amongst men when they find someone that has left an impact on them. To say that to someone immediately is a huge red flag.

How about the Certified Lover Boys and we ain’t talking about Drake. You know them, they are cooler than the other side of the pillow. The boys that can talk you skraight out yuh draws. If a man is insisting on sleeping with you despite your wish to wait, that’s a red flag! I am not saying don’t go out and have fun! I for one am for women feeling liberated to do whatever they want with their body, however, there are some men that have mastered the art of vaginery and can really smooth talk you right out of your Fentys. If you don’t want sex right away, don’t feel pressured into doing so.

I encourage a 90 day rule. Just like a job, evaluating someone’s performance can save you a lot of heartache and headache in the long run. Most folks can’t keep it together past 3 months and if they can they are really invested in being someone else and that’s alarming in itself. Pay attention to the consistency of communication. When they text or call often in the beginning then that fades suddenly, that’s a red flag. A man that wants you will want to communicate with you. The length of the conversation may shorten but there is no reason someone that is interested in you will wait a day or more before contacting you.

Last but not least, ladies, never compromise who you are and your needs for love. You are all deserving of a healthy love. Love does not hurt nor is it toxic. A man that cares for you will listen to your needs and make an effort to fulfill them. If you feel you are pouring into someone’s cup and they are not reciprocating that effort, you must do what’s right for you.

Also, it’s very important to love you first! People watch how you treat yourself and will model that effort. If you speak poorly of yourself, have low self esteem, or don’t believe in yourself, you will attract people that will do the same. Always remember, you set the standard for the love that you deserve!

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Monique Mighty

Monique Mighty was born in St. Catherine Jamaica, raised in New Jersey, and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. She obtained her masters degree in Social Work from Fordham University and is a Licensed Social Worker practicing psychotherapy. She is passionate about mental health issues particularly in minority communities. Currently, Monique loves to inform and educate folks about Mental health topics as well as topics relative to current events. Check out her Instagram for Mental Health facts in her highlights @iammoniquemighty

Monique Mighty has 4 posts and counting. See all posts by Monique Mighty


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