Love is a tricky thing, especially for women. We have been raised to believe that there are certain rules to follow, that it is in fact a game that if we play our cards right we end up with an everlasting love. And if not, we are left at the table forced to fold our hand. We are told that some of the feelings and emotions we go through should not be spoken and are never validated as being a part of the process. In turn, it forces us to shut down and shut off the idea of ever finding love, for fear of being thrown into someone’s crazy house because we OBVIOUSLY must be insane to try to rationalize our behavior when it comes to love.
Yes, for years I wore my heart on my sleeve, but that was a long time ago. Nowadays, my heart isn’t on my sleeve; in fact, it isn’t even VISIBLE. I keep it so under wraps. I never want anyone to know how I truly feel about anything or anybody, more so any BODY… I have plastered up a wall the thickness of 10 brick walls attached to one another, and all of them encase my heart. They create the heavy-duty protection needed to keep it from ever getting broken again. I say I want the happily ever after with the husband and the white picket fence and the yard so ginormous that my two sons will get tired and never be bored, always finding something new in it b/c its just THAT BIG, and we are all a big happy family; but, to have that, ironically, that requires me to deconstruct the exact wall I put up for protection. I have to leave myself open, and be willing to take the possibility of being hurt, hurt big time.
They always say, no pain no gain, right? I always told myself that I was incredibly secure in myself and I don’t get jealous or any of that garble, but as soon as that four letter word becomes involved, I find myself turning into this INSECURE, JEALOUS, OBSESSIVE MANIAC. Which 99.9% of all women secretly in fact become. Is it wrong? I don’t think so. It’s human nature. We believe that we have found our one and only, and become overly involved in trying to make sure they stay, make sure it lasts forever, that we over think and over FEEL everything.
The good news is these feelings and emotions don’t mean that we are crazy and that we don’t deserve to ever find our life partner. They don’t define us as women. The only thing they do is solidify the fact that as women, we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility of love. We must not let past experiences jade our love life. Knowing that we are capable of these emotions shows that our hearts are as large as the largest ocean; that we have incredible amounts of love to give, to the one that is worthy enough for it. Being vulnerable is not a curse, it’s a blessing! Vulnerability allows you to show a side of humaneness that people never want you to see. If proves that behind that rough, tough-as-nails exterior, the razor sharp tongue, and swivel, neck rolling, finger snapping attitude, there in fact is a tender, loving, gentle woman.
So ladies, next time you feel the intense urge to text that new guy that you like so much, before he texts you: DO IT! Or when you really want to talk to him, instead of waiting for him to call YOU, YOU CALL HIM. Throw the old rules out the window and stop doing the same old cat and mouse game that we have done for so long. Trust me, it doesn’t really work as well as it was “advertised”. Most times it backfires anyway. Forge your own love path. Create the love that is tailor made for YOU. That way, your “happy” is never required to be measured against another’s “happy” again. You will be too busy enjoying yours!
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What A Man Wants: An Open Letter to Women