“On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie – abusive relationship and jealousy

April 13, 2011

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The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth.

Q: My best friend is being physically abused by her boyfriend. What can I do to help her? She refuses to talk to anyone about this or call the police and I’m afraid that he might kill her.

Side A: The best thing you can do to help her is to be emotionally supportive. Make yourself as available as possible to be there for her. Whether it’s just offering to listen to her problems or taking her out for a night on the town, it’s important that she knows how much you love and care for her. Your relationship with her may be what she needs to help her move on from her destructive relationship with her boyfriend.

Side B: Understand that you can help her, but you can’t save her. And the extent of your help depends on how much she’s willing to help herself. Ultimately, she’s the only person who can help her. She has to be the one to separate herself from him. She has to be the one to file a police report. She has to be the one to protect herself from him. So, your main job is to encourage her to make it through all of this.

Q: Recently, my boyfriend admitted that he used to have a crush on my best friend. He says that it was years ago, but every time he’s around her, it’s like he’s still feeling her. How can I keep my man?

Side A: It’s possible that his feelings for her are still there, however, it’s also possible that you may be feeling this way because of his confession. In other words, you might be seeing things between them that mean absolutely nothing, but seems like something because you know that he used to like her. In either case, it’s best to have an in-depth conversation with him about how you’re feeling. If he maintains that his feelings are in the past, then you need to trust him and continue being the best girlfriend that you can be – two of the most important things that can help you keep your relationship.

Side B: There’s no guarantee that you can keep your man. If your man wants to leave you, then he’ll leave you. And I’m sure the same thing holds true on your end. Would you stay with someone that you didn’t want to be with? Probably not. Still, there are some additional things you can do to try to keep your man. In your situation, you should minimize the amount of time that your best friend and your man see each other. Instead of having her come over to hang out all of the time, spend time with her at her house. If you’re going out for the night together, then have her meet you at wherever you’re going. Also, make sure to remind him of why he chose you over her. Once a month, make his favorite meal. Treat him to a night of his favorite pleasures, like a massage and kinky sex to follow. Or, do whatever makes him happy on a more consistent basis. Overall, try to eliminate any potential competition between you and your best friend and make sure to keep your emotions in check, while doing so. So, no matter how close you two are, don’t discuss this with her because it could backfire on you in one of two ways: she could either try to go after him or just feel completely uncomfortable around him, both of which will complicate your life even further! And on that note, you should definitely keep your sex life between you and your man!

The only advice column that spins both sides of the truth, Today’s topic: Advice Column 17, how to support a friend in an abusive relationship and dealing with feelings of jealousy in a relationship.

Q: My best friend is being physically abused by her boyfriend. What can I do to help her? She refuses to talk to anyone about this or call the police and I’m afraid that he might kill her.

Side A: The best thing you can do to help her is to be emotionally supportive. Make yourself as available as possible to be there for her. Whether it’s just offering to listen to her problems or taking her out for a night on the town, it’s important that she knows how much you love and care for her. Your relationship with her may be what she needs to help her move on from her destructive relationship with her boyfriend.

Side B: Understand that you can help her, but you can’t save her. And the extent of your help depends on how much she’s willing to help herself. Ultimately, she’s the only person who can help her. She has to be the one to separate herself from him. She has to be the one to file a police report. She has to be the one to protect herself from him. So, your main job is to encourage her to make it through all of this.

Side A: It’s possible that his feelings for her are still there, however, it’s also possible that you may be feeling this way because of his confession. In other words, you might be seeing things between them that mean absolutely nothing, but seems like something because you know that he used to like her. In either case, it’s best to have an in-depth conversation with him about how you’re feeling. If he maintains that his feelings are in the past, then you need to trust him and continue being the best girlfriend that you can be – two of the most important things that can help you keep your relationship.

Side B: There’s no guarantee that you can keep your man. If your man wants to leave you, then he’ll leave you. And I’m sure the same thing holds true on your end. Would you stay with someone that you didn’t want to be with? Probably not. Still, there are some additional things you can do to try to keep your man. In your situation, you should minimize the amount of time that your best friend and your man see each other. Instead of having her come over to hang out all of the time, spend time with her at her house. If you’re going out for the night together, then have her meet you at wherever you’re going. Also, make sure to remind him of why he chose you over her. Once a month, make his favorite meal. Treat him to a night of his favorite pleasures, like a massage and kinky sex to follow. Or, do whatever makes him happy on a more consistent basis. Overall, try to eliminate any potential competition between you and your best friend and make sure to keep your emotions in check, while doing so. So, no matter how close you two are, don’t discuss this with her because it could backfire on you in one of two ways: she could either try to go after him or just feel completely uncomfortable around him, both of which will complicate your life even further! And on that note, you should definitely keep your sex life between you and your man!

– About Ms. Boogie:

Born a pineapple, bred an apple, and now, a peach, Ms. Boogie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Besides writing, she also has an interest in radio broadcasting. You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/joncierrienecker and/or follow her on Twitter @jrienecker.

Look out for the next “On the Beat” with Ms. Boogie, this has been Advice Column 17, how to support a friend in an abusive relationship and dealing with feelings of jealousy in a relationship.

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